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Hello. I am struggling with the decision about getting divor

[15]

Hello. I am struggling with the decision about getting divorced. He left me about 4 months ago. I was devastated we have been together 14 years and married for 10 I have been with him since I was 14 years old. I had our first son when I was 17 and we were pressured into getting married because it was the right thing. Anyway he stayed a way 2 months I begged him to go to counseling anything and he said no. So I filed started going out.(something I have never done.) and started thinking about our relationship. I realized that I don’t think I have ever been in love with him. Don’t get me wrong I do love him. He is my best friend. We laugh together have everything in common. But my struggles are, he has pushed me down never let me do anything I wanted. Get a job, go to school, hang out with friends. And I tasted some freedom. Found out I would be fine on my own. Felt strong for the first time ever. Then he came begging for me back. He has changed I see it. Going to church treating me amazingly. But I resent him for it. We do get along we talk great laugh. But I have know spark and I don’t think I will. We are going to counseling. And I seen him wanting to make this work so bad but I am just so done. And I hate myself for it! We have to boys and I think to myself I don’t want them to go through this. I am so lost! Any feed back would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!!

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[284315]
Dec 2

Personally I'd ignore the whole spark thing. Instead I'd keep going to counseling for the sake of my kids but be very cautious about getting back together. Some of the things you describe, him not letting you go to school or work just seems like emotional abuse and so unless you see definite changes in him and a solid commitment to his faith and personal growth, you could end up stuck again. So that is what I'd base my decision on, has he truly changed? Then, let's just say he ended up growing and changing and stopped being so controlling, and you could get back together because of the children and wanting them to have an intact family, if he still treated you well, then you may regain that spark, fall in love again. But unless he changed enough to guarantee he wouldn't be controlling again, it seems rather risky.

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justamomof2's picture
[1335]
Dec 3

Congrats on trying to save your marriage for the sake of your kids-I think that's great! Please let us know how the counseling works-starting with friendship and going forward can work.

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[590]
Dec 4

Sorry you feel so lost right now. It is certainly a tough situation you are in. The dynamics of marriage are baffling. Everyone wants that "spark" but that spark dims the longer you are married unless you fight to keep it alive. It will be the same after being in another relationship that seems so interesting and new from the start. I agree with others, go to counseling-- together and separately. In the meantime, find yourself like you are doing, maybe that is helping to open his eyes to see what he has lost and what he needs to change himself. Possibly try reading the book The Five Love Languages. Blessings for a brighter tomorrow.

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