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Hello all. I'm having an internal conflict with what I shoul

Hello all. I'm having an internal conflict with what I should do with the Holidays. My wife has told me she doesn't love me anymore and feels better when I'm not home. Heart breaking to hear since I still live home with her although in different rooms. I suggested spending holidays with my mother and take my kids briefly then bring them back. Her family celebrates later than we do anyways. My wife said she would prefer I be with her and her family for all of us to be together. She says although she doesn't love me, she cares for me as the father of her kids and we are all still a family and wants us to always be together during this time for the kids. Christmas Eve would be the hardest since that is our marriage anniversary (we took advantage of family getting together). She told me to suck it up and do it for the kids. Her whole family knows of the separation and I am ashamed that I failed. My mom, and even my mother-in-law say that I shouldn't go as my wife needs to learn what separated holidays will be like. What should I do? I'm already imagining a future holiday where she brings in a new boyfriend or husband. Am I over thinking this?

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Nov 19

Hey bro, tough situation. My take may not help that much, but I think you should do what you want in this situation. She shouldn't get to dictate terms. Strategically, if you want to try and enjoy the season peacefully than go her way. But if there's a way you want to play it, play it your way. Sometimes my wife really just wants me to lead, and even when she disagree's and I pick wrong, it works out better for our marriage.
You two are in a dark place, but maybe it just needs some assertion on your part to get closer to reconciliation.

Nov 19

I dunno, I think if my ex would have ever told me to "suck it up" I would have punched him in the face....I think you should give her a sample of what separation looks and feels like...I'm sorry that the holidays are here and you want to do what is right for your kids....but you have to also do what is right for you....

beth65's picture
Dec 3

I couldn't do it. Especially if her new love interest shows up. That would just be too hard for me. And especially since it is your anniversary. Why does she feel justified in treating you this way? I get you want to do what is right for the kids so that's a tough one but I know the best I could do would be show up Christmas morning for a couple hours. And then have a plan for Christmas Eve and the rest of Christmas day so you will be with people who care about you. Do you have other friends you can spend time with? Is there anything going on at your church or something like that?


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