This week's Topic: Giving yourself credit for the person you have become!!!

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Hello all. Has anyone else struggled with obtaining closure?

Hello all. Has anyone else struggled with obtaining closure? I am very aware that sometimes other can’t/won’t/don’t give it to us so we must find it within. However, I am really struggling with that. I have no answers for anything. I don’t know why my spouse left and nor do I know why she cut off all communication and filed for divorce. I struggle with wanting to know these answers. I know I may never get them and I’m working on accepting it. But in my mind, I can’t help but wonder, “is this really how it’s going to end/be? She’s just going to continue to never speak to me again?” I have no idea what I did to cause any of this. Any advice would be helpful.

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[545]
Jan 15

@ sbuss1023 I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all this and have to agree with all the support and encouragement that JamieGoodrum , NewMe2.0 , and Morningview have said in their responses to your post. If I may add my thoughts. One of the Four Agreements you might want to grow in is "Don't take things personal". Sounds very simple, but very difficult to do, but if you can it'll markedly change your relationships. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. They have a lot going on in themselves and are responding, or reacting out of their hurts and wounds, and in this specific situation, not able to face themselves to be honest first to themselves and then to you. They don't want to hurt you and for real being selfish about their own pursuit of fulfillment, looking for joy in their lives and filling that empty hole in their heart. They are "looking for love in all the wrong places" as the song goes. It really has nothing to do with what you've done or are doing, they are in their own situation and so ashamed and fearful that they lack the courage to face those close to them, you. I guess that might help you understand the 'why', and I guess at this point is to just wait patiently, cause as we at sometime learn, we cannot 'fix' or 'change' another person...patience. And I know that the wait is painful, but hang in there! (and the advice and responses here in their posts are with you @sbuss1023 .

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[1105]
Jan 16

@alohabbq thank you for this! It is very helpful but also hard to do. I struggle with wrapping my head around how she could not think that was she has done is wrong? Like how? I don’t get it. At all.

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[545]
Jan 16

@ sbuss1023, believe it or not, I've found myself in the past thinking I was 100% correct in my opinions and needs, only to find out later that the other person is a person too and is made up of her past experiences and struggles, wounds and hurts and habits, that result in her 'reaction/response' to you, who may trigger some hurtful moments and her way around this is to 'fight and ignore', which comes out the way you are seeing her now. I know, I had to learn to shut up and take it on the chin, and let her anger and opinions flow out. One lesson I learned was "Don't take things personally". Everything she does and says is not because of you. She is made of her past experiences, her mental makeup, her hurts and wounds all contribute to her, and she's reacting out of what's going on inside of her, and it's not because of you.... easy to understand, but very difficult to do...I've been going years learning "patience" and 'waiting'.

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