Did anyone here fought back the divorce and got back with he

Did anyone here fought back the divorce and got back with his/her husband/wife at some point? I feel like I shouldn't give up on my marriage, no matter the divorce. Long story short, our marriage went from great to "we have been best friends for the past two years". At some point she decided to divorce whilst I still love her as much as always. Of course I feel the loneliness, the grieving and the pain. I would have fought for us right away, but I know she has some personal issues now she needs to sort out herself without me. I know we might be best friends for the rest of our life as I feel one day she might regret and we might get back together. Any advice would be really appreciated.

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(180)
Oct 25

@Sknp thank you for sharing.
I went through therapy and it helped me with some personal things which could have damaged the relationship in a moment when things had reached a really bad point. Unfortunately, my wife did not. She "tried" but then gave up after the second session. She decided that "she was fine". I've tried to insist on it but did not work. Unfortunately, after I did go through therapy, I did not have the chance to show her what had changed for me. She was already living abroad at that point.
I am glad you have been able to fix your marriage and you have been able to sort things out. I can understand the level of distress you went through with such experiences.
Right now we have been separated since last year. At first an excuse on her side, as she wanted to stay with her mother during the second lockdown. I totally agreed to that thinking it was the best way for us to take care of my mother in law.
Then, after we've been together in December, things went really bad and we just decided to be apart a few more months. Other situations forced us to change our plans and two months became nine. She recently came home for a few weeks to sort things out, tell me she wants the divorce, grab her things, leave the job, then move back to her mother's. We live in two different countries. I feel the best thing to do, for the both of us and the marriage, would be to leave her alone for now.
I don't try to remind her how much it hurts and how much I would like her back. She tries to speak to me as if nothing ever happened. So we talk about our life, the job, the friends in common, and this makes me even more sad (not always but sometimes words recall memories, and memories hurt).
Sometimes I can manage a whole busy day just focusing on whatever I am doing and actually enjoying. Then, there are moments when I feel as if I am a spectator to myself. It seems I'm watching my life go by. At the end of the day, a find myself going through endless if, but, maybe, etc.
I guess the best way for me to fight back, in this very moment, would be to get hold of myself and reframe this whole thing. It might not save the marriage in the end, but I cannot spend the next year prisoner of my own negativity and what she has put me through.

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Sknp's picture
(3035)
Nov 8

@Rob123456

So sorry it has taken me so long to respond. Have had multiple emergent surgeries with my dad —all is fine now.

I fully hear you on feeling like a spectator in your own life. What a distressing place to be.
I hate to hear that your wife doesn’t seem interested in working through things with you. I agree the best thing is to focus on you and make the best life you can for yourself. She may just see/hear how well you are doing and have a change of heart. But then it will be your decision to decide if you want to give things a chance then.

Hugs and prayers to you!

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(180)
Nov 8

@Sknp no need to apologise. Sorry to hear about your situation tho. I hope he's going to recover soon.
Thanks for your support and finding the time to drop a message. I really appreciate it!

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