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Currently going through a seperation with my wife, we’ve b

[20]

Currently going through a seperation with my wife, we’ve been together for 17 years and she’s finally tired of me not taking care of her emotional needs. She was having an emotional affair for the last 2 months with a guy that she describes as perfect in regards to seeing her and meeting her emotional needs. The guy lives many states away but he’s definitely a threat. She has asked for space from both of us so she can figure her life out. I’ve owned up to all the pain I’ve caused her for the last 17 years. I always thought I was a decent guy because I never cheated on her physically but I did lust after other woman through Facebook creeping and watching porn. I lied about watching porn for over a decade and came clean to hurt her about 5 years ago. I lost her trust then and it has been a battle trying to earn it back. I’ve been a selfish thinker for so long and emotionally unintelligent. I never developed emotional skills and that’s my goal now. Looking for guys who have been through a similar situation to give me some support. Thanks for your time!

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[390]
Apr 15

Hello loverboy, I would also suggest counselling, if not for the two of you together then for you alone to help you deal with this. My wife had an affair 8 years ago and it was more than emotional. I know the pain that you are experiencing. It is easy to blame yourself, that is what I did, but you have to realize that although you may have been part of the problem you were not the only one in the relationship. I always think that it shows incredible cowardice to go outside of a marriage for what is missing within the marriage . I feel that she couldn't admit her shortcomings and her portion of the blame for the problems in the marraige so she finds someone else and blames you. She made the choice to go outside of the marriage and unless you have mastered mind control that is her fault, not yours. Now the other thing that i want to tell u is this, 8 years passed after my wifes affair and although I tried with everything I have I was never able to trust her again. I tried but fo me once the trust was gone it just wasn't ever there again and when over the last couple of years when she would stay out late or texted me to tell me she drank too much so wasn't coming home I became very suspicious. I don't know that anything was going on but I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to ask her to leave. I just want you to know my experience so you can decide for yourself that if you two reconcile be sure that you will be able to trust her. Good luck.

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[480]
Apr 18

I haven't experienced this personally, being married for 35 years, but I know the importance of maintaining a healthy marriage relationship. Marriage is a 'death till you part' commitment; a 100% - 100% giving relationship; a spirit/soul/body relationship. Both of you experiencing the negative emotions that comes from an affair or even lusting because this special relationship has been damaged and the spirit/soul and body are impacted. I'd advise speaking with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer wise and long-term, effective advise. I'll stand with you that you both will find wisdom, forgiveness and a deeper love for each other.

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[20]
Apr 20

Thanks guys for the kind words and sharing your experiences, it really means a lot even if you guys are total strangers! I’ve been talking with a therapist for a few weeks now and so has my wife. We both have different therapist. It’s a cool app where you text your therapist unlimited and they respond to you a couple times a day. The therapy is helping me build my emotional intelligence and guiding me down a path to change who I am as far as behavior patterns. In my marriage I never went above and beyond, I always did the bare minimum. This made my wife believe I never truly cared about her. I’ve always been defensive about all my wrong doing and react with anger and hurt her intentionally with my words. These things killed my marriage. My wife fell out of love with me and it’s tough to deal with. I adore her and I see how ****** I’ve been as a loving husband. Any ways I’ve did a complete 180 but it seems like it’s too late. She just looks at me and sees a guy who has cause her pain for 17 years. She no longer looks at me with loving eyes. She’s already talking about getting her tubes tied so she doesn’t have any more children with other guys. My life is getting ready to suck bad, she’s actively searching for a home to move out to with our 3 children. Their lives will never be the same either. I went though my parents divorcing and I quit sports and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I hope my kids don’t take that route. We show them so much love so I think they’ll be okay. I know a big positive is they don’t have to see their mom and I fight any longer so there’s that. Thanks again fellas, there’s plenty more to this story but I’ve got to go. If you have any questions or support let me know.

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