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As I look back over our relationship, I realize the entire t

mmadwaite's picture
[29955]

As I look back over our relationship, I realize the entire time he was using projection, blame shift, and was gaslighting me. Our whole relationship was a lie. I was naïve when it came to romantic relationships, and it was at a vulnerable time in my life. He set me up to steal my money, and he knew from the day we married what he was going to do. Cluster B anti socials are just not good people, and that's the way it is. He adamantly denies he has NPD. "I'm the only one who thinks this." He's a covert. He can control his emotions when he wants to hide what he really is. I think it builds up though, and sooner or later he releases them, and it's not pretty. His tantrums can last for days. Then finally he comes back to reality and tries to make it right. Like you're just suppose to sweep it under the rug, like nothing happened. Before I realized what he was, he was always coming up with reasons why our toxic relationship was my fault. If I abandon my son and let him grow up, we would have a great relationship. I drank too much wine. I have PTSD. There were lists of things I was suppose to do and say, but nothing on it for him. I went to counseling several times, even marriage counseling. He didn't do or go to anything, not once. Now I believe he's been down this path before. Maybe the words narcissistic weren't used, but someone has tried to help him. He has said many subtle things that seemed strangely too perceptive of him at the time. Some examples are "We're two smart people. We can make this work." Our relationship was toxic before we were married. "I don't believe in controlling someone, because I don't want to be controlled." Narcs are the most controlling people that there are. "I see things in black and white. There's no middle." He doesn't interpret his reality in an appropriate way. This is a codefendant trait. Many people don't realize that narcs are codependent. "No one is perfect. We all make mistakes." His bad behaviors are suppose to be tolerated. This was the big one. "There are all kinds of marriages." He has zero tolerance for stress. It's not possible for him to live with someone. I don't believe these are things he could realize on his own. Someone has tried to intervene. His strategy is to hide behind "I have PTSD" which he is proud of.

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[430]
Oct 13

@mmadwaite I am also beginning to wonder if my husband has some type of multiple personality disorder. It is hard to tell if its NPD, ADD, borderline personality disorder or just compulsive lying to the point he actually believes his lies.

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mmadwaite's picture
[29955]
Oct 13

@decisionstomake There are specific criteria someone has to meet to be diagnosed with any one of these disorders. To me behaviors and attitudes of these types of people are very different. It took me years to figure out the truth about my stbx. Once you understand the person's behaviors and know what the diagnostic traits are, it becomes obvious.

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[430]
Oct 16

I guess I just don't understand his behavior. I wonder if his years of alcoholism, prescription and non prescription drug use has caused brain damage since he seems to confabulate.

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