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About a month and a half ago my husband out of the blue

About a month and a half ago my husband out of the blue said he wanted a divorce. Not that we had a close and happy marriage or anything like that. But we also didn't have a terrible relationship. It has always been mostly focused around our 3 kids and after 17 years we have grown apart. I guess I thought most of our problems were/are things people deal with in marriage and just took the good with the bad. Anyway after hearing this news I was taken by surprise and went thru a whole range of emotions. First anger, then a ton of saddness. I told him I was sorry for making him feel unloved and willing to get counseling to try and help myself be a better wife etc. He said he didn't care it was too late he doesn't love me anyway. He has taken no responsibility for our marriage being in the toilet and has said he doesn't care to get any help nor does he care to make himself a better husband. He says he just wants to be done. The last few weeks I have pulled away and given him tons of space which is what he says he wants. There is no other relationship as far as I know. He says after the holidays he will be getting a lawyer etc.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Does a spouse with this type of attitude change their mind? How could a man just walk away from a wife and 3 kids to be alone? I am not perfect but I do know for sure that I am a great wife

I am new here and would love any advice/thoughts on this matter!

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[410]
Dec 6

I'm really sorry you are going through this. My wife did almost the same a few months ago, just came out of nowhere, treated me like S* and eventually walked away. In my experience and with my readings, my answer, I'm sorry to say, would be no he will not change his mind. When we find out, we usually are the LAST person to find but the process has been done, so changing his mind is in fact impossible at this point.
The only thing I can say, and this is probably not something you are ready for, is that the focus will now have to shift to YOU. If he's having a mid life crisis, if he's having an affair, if he just doesn't love you or he just doesn't love himself anymore, it just doesn't matter.
This is the worst, but it's true, it doesn't matter. He's not the right person for you if he's walking away on you. This will be tough, difficult, sometimes impossible, but this is your journey now...take it on.

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eddie1975's picture
[20335]
Dec 6

@KellyLynn99 I was severely depressed when my wife walked out. She came to me on March 15, 2017 and I was sitting in our poolhouse drunk and ready to kill myself. She asked me what she could do to help and I told her going away would be the best thing she could do. She said I was pushing her too far away. I blamed her for our family problems because she had beaten our son the year before and got our kids taken away from us for six months by CPS. She never did apologize or seemingly regret it so I hated her. It has taken me two years of weekly therapy to escape this. What I didn't know at the time she came to me she was already starting an affair. She was already on her way out of the relationship. She hid it very well for a year. My suspicion wasn't confirmed until two weeks after she got her divorce. Whenever I asked her she got mad and denied it. She started going "hiking" after work with some "girlfriends" one day and turns out she wasn't actually hiking.

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[1865]
Dec 9

So sorry for what you are going through. It kind of sounds like the start of a mid life crisis. Has he had any major changes in other areas of his life - work, friends, his family? Sometimes that can trigger changes in behavior such as you describe. Perhaps a trial separation would allow him to realize what a blessed life he has. There's no real magic answer, but I hope he does come back around to wanting to stay. Prayers for peace and wisdom in this difficult time.

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