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What is wrong with me? Why am I so self-destructive? I am in

deliza's picture
[2855]

What is wrong with me? Why am I so self-destructive? I am in a really good relationship...I actually think he is "the one". Why am I letting past relationship issues enter my new relationship? Why do I doubt that he loves me? It probably is because I am working on my own self-love/self-worth issues...I just don't want to be the cause for the relationship I have now to fall apart. Every aspect of our relationship is perfect. He is checking all the "boxes". I've never been in a relationship that is actually really good/healthy. This is the first one...so why do I get in my head? Why do I doubt myself? Then project them onto him?

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deliza's picture
[2855]
Nov 9

@eddie1975 I know...that's what worries me. But I was only married for a little over a year. We dated each other for 6.5 years. We did distance so we maybe spent about 25% of our relationship physically together, the rest of the time we were apart. I am not trying to say that you are wrong in that I need time to heal, but I also have been "single" or felt single for a long time. In all the years I was with my ex narc husband he cheated on me, emotionally abused me...and I stood by him and stayed faithful. My boyfriend and I met a few years back. We became friends and we supported one another because he was in a relationship very similar to mine. It's hard to explain, but I know that my boyfriend is someone I want to be with for a long time...maybe even marry some day. I don't know I am still a little bitter about marriage atm. He is the first person I have ever dated where I had an emotional connection with way before we became physical. My other relationships began as either barely knowing the person or sleeping with them the first night we met.

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[117385]
Nov 9

@deliza I need to say something to you because it breaks my heart to hear from so many young women who seem to think that having sex with someone the first night they meet him will result in love and a committed relationship. It doesn’t work that way in most cases. Sex by itself is a physical connection, not an emotional one. It’s a powerful drive that is looking for a release. After the release takes place, the connection is over if there’s no other foundation there. You can’t have a foundation, an emotional connection, until you get to know the real person, beyond the social mask that we ALL wear. I really believe that there would be so much less pain and heartbreak if people would put the effort in to know each other before the physical connection takes place. Give the attraction and sexual tension a chance to build while you get to know the person. Once you can trust them enough to open yourself up and be vulnerable, I believe the sexual connection will be an amazing experience, as it was meant to be. It doesn’t happen that way when you don’t know the person. Take the time to build the foundation and connection first; it will be worth the time and effort.......

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[117385]
Nov 9

@deliza I think your above comment fully proves my point. Married or not, you can’t build the closeness, intimacy, and an emotional connection when you’re physically apart. Absence DOES NOT make the heart grow fonder!... It creates distance, which is the opposite of intimacy.......

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