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Well, I wasn't going to post this. I feel like I should be

mmadwaite's picture
[43095]

Well, I wasn't going to post this. I feel like I should be able to swallow my own pain at this point. But you folks are the only ones I have to get my feelings out to and who will still listen. My divorce was final Tuesday. I knew I'd have to call him because our names have to be changed on two property deeds and there are still some personal belongings to be swapped. I didn't want to call, but I forced myself to do it. It didn't go bad. We were able to plan everything out. My fear was that he'd show up at my house, and I told him not to do that. It was evening and I initially thought he had someone there, which I assumed would be a woman. I actually started crying, but I don't know if he knew it. So I asked him if someone was there. He said it was the tv; I'm pretty sure no one was there. Then of course it turned emotional. He said he didn't want a divorce and he still says a prey for me every day. I say a prey for him every morning. Then he said "I just couldn't take the abuse anymore." Ya, we did fight horribly. My top number for blood pressure was 165 up from 120. But now I understand what was going on. If I had known I would have tried to adjust my behaviors to accommodate him. It would have been a disaster for me. His 8th failed marriage is my fault. His haughty behaviors, his communications that make no sense, going in and out of his personalities, his level for stress tolerance is zero. He's a dangerous man and he doesn't even know it. One reason I married him was because his previous marriage had been 20 years. But they didn't live together and I didn't know that. He said to me "That has nothing to do with us." Ya, it has everything to do with his ability to be able to live with a wife. But he sucked me back in emotionally, and I've been miserable.

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mmadwaite's picture
[43095]
May 29

@Limp First I want to say good luck with your business. Hoping that can be your ticket out. Here's what I know about sociopaths and narcissists. They are very similar except it is their differences that define them. They view the world differently. So they overcome you emotionally in different ways. Narcissists brag about themselves, what they can do, all their accomplishments. It's all about them.
Also, they come at you with negativity all of the time. Although in the beginning my ex would be somewhat interested in me, he would always correlate my situations with his and something similar or worse that happened to him. He never smiled, would roll his eyes at me for the least little thing. Narcissists have very low self esteem. They have to tear down your confidence to keep their ego inflated. Sociopaths don't have low self esteem. They act interested in you to gain your confidence. It's all about you. But they are getting information about you so you can be manipulated and controlled. Although narcissists lack empathy and conscience, they do have some. Sociopaths have none or very little. Also, narcissists are prone to rages when their ego is bruised. A narcissist rage is horrible. A sociopath will get mad, but it won't last. They can control their anger and feelings whereas someone with NPD can't. Of the two, a sociopath is worse than a narcissist. I have looked at all of this because I don't want to be like you and fall in love with another bad guy. I believe knowledge is power. It's one big way we have to protect ourselves.

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beth65's picture
[28220]
May 29

@Limp I hope you get out soon.

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[2255]
May 30

I am so sorry to hear you went through this. Hopefully once this is all over you can finally get your life back. This sounds so typical of narc. Just when they are losing there supply they turn up the notch and start being good to you. How dare they. They don't change. Like ever. Once you then think oh they have changed and you continue they turn up the abuse again. I don't think I will ever understand it but it's just make me sick to my stomach. 100% there dangerous. We shouldn't have to go through this! x

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