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Tonight I'm fighting the urge to write a firm but honest, an

GirlKitty's picture
[79700]

Tonight I'm fighting the urge to write a firm but honest, and therefore destructive email to my ex-narc. Our house was supposed to go on the market on Monday, the 15th, but I found out today, when he told the realtor, that they (they being he and his girlfriend) had decided to replace the bathtubs - literally the only thing left in the house they hadn't changed and pushing the listing date back 3 weeks. My ex, who used to rule our home with an iron fist, is actually afraid to stand up to this girlfriend, so she's been making all the decisions including when to list the house! And, I've voiced my opinion, I've practically yelled that I disagree, but they won't listen to me. They treat me as if I don't exist.
I was furious earlier today, but I had an appointment with my psychologist and she really helped me deal with my anger. Just telling her what I was angry about and that I felt hurt, too, really deflated my anger. I came home and wrote in my journal and that, too, helped. But, nothing is going to get rid of all my anger until these issues are resolved. That's why I need to put in writing that I want to be part of any decision regarding my house and that I'm not waiting until October to list the house for sale. And, although it will cause WW3, I think I need to copy my divorce attorney on the email since the house was supposed to be sold "as is" and not be remodeled.
Those of you who've dealt with a narc, what's your opinion? I have to make my voice heard, but I don't want to make matters worse. I'd love to yell and write a scathing letter, but narcs don't hear things like that, they shut down and become defensive. I need my ex to know that I'm not going to take this anymore but in a way that he'll hear me and believe that I'm serious.
Any advice on how to communicate with a narc is very welcome!

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GirlKitty's picture
[79700]
Sep 19

Well, I heard back from my attorney and guess what!?! I'm only responsible for repairing the window frames, replacing the carpet in the dining room, and the basement. The SA, that my ex's gf threw in my face, was written so that ex-narc couldn't remodel the house without penalty. I don't have to pay for the remodel! HOOOORAY! Now, whether or not I will pay for some of it, I don't know. I'm not vindictive, I just want them to stop ganging up on me. Of course, even though we supposedly called a truce last night but I get a GROUP text from the gf this morning telling me, the realtors and my sister that the man that cuts my grass "has been rapping me for 5 years." I only hired him a year ago, but that's really not the point. The point is I now have leverage to prevent them from ganging up on me!

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[2285]
Sep 19

@GirlKitty remember to get a appraisal done from a independent party , keep the number to yourself and see what they come up with for a value .
the property is only worth what a bank will issue a mortgage for not what some real estate agent thinks they can get for it .

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GirlKitty's picture
[79700]
Sep 19

@lostsngdad Thank you for the reminder! I definitely needed it. Thank you for helping me with the house!

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