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The pain of divorce just keeps giving and giving. I was doi

mmadwaite's picture
[39990]

The pain of divorce just keeps giving and giving. I was doing a final look at the dollar assets to determine if I should hire a lawyer. What I determined was that ten days before his fit where he said he was leaving, he had taken $2000 out of one of our checking accounts. I believe up until then he was taking money and putting in an account in his name only down state. The sequence of withdrawals and deposits is strange, because he's disordered. He'd been doing this since we moved into the new house. It's not even the money. It's the betrayal that hurts so bad. I was a great wife in every way.

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GirlKitty's picture
[82480]
Feb 24

@mmadwaite I'm so sorry about the betrayal. I understand. After we did our financial discloser for the divorce, my ex opened a new checking account at a different bank. He thought no one would know because we'd already done the discloser, but the idiot used our home address and the statements came to the house. Of course, I opened them and he was hiding money. For me, the money was an issue because it was money he was keeping from his son (by not disclosing it, it wasn't counted toward his child support) and the betrayal that he would do anything to me during the divorce.
As much as I hate that you're going through this, it is so good to talk with you again. I've really missed reading your posts and knowing how you're doing. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. The feeling of betrayal affects how we trust others, too.
I hope things work out with the money, but more than that I hope things work out so you feel good about it. I truly wish you the best.

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mmadwaite's picture
[39990]
Feb 25

@GirlKitty I just saw your reply. I was glad to read it as I missed not hearing from you. Seems like you took a bit of a reprieve from this site, and I wondered how you were doing? I almost asked Scat if she'd heard from you, but I saw you posted once in a while. So, just assumed you were busy. I don't know if you read my posts, but I have moved forward. He filed which is a very good thing. He wants my name off of his 20 acres. It is the only financial thing I have hanging over his head. Everything else is in his favor. So I did another financial analysis of everything. I've done it before, but this time I was more thorough and feel better that I know everything that went on. I actually met with his lawyer since we had a property/asset agreement. We both want it changed a bit. He agreed to lower a payment he wanted and I agreed to sign off a new pontoon. After meeting with his lawyer though I thought I needed representation in case he changes his mind. Also, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of me going to court alone. So I hired a lawyer and he said he would do it half price since it should be cut and dry. I can't tell you the pressure that I felt lifted from me. My mood has improved ten fold. I've pretty much stopped crying, although I still do. But I'm looking forward to future plans, and I have learned so much from this. There's a Ted Talk by Lucy Hone where she says that no one escapes adversity in their lives. I found it very helpful, and I'm thinking that I'm turning the page. I made a friend who was married to a paranoid schizophrenic. After the divorce, she grieved for 8 years. So I don't think we're doing all that bad. You just have to reinvent yourself into someone you could never be when putting all of your energy into him. So good to hear from you. I hope you're doing better.

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beth65's picture
[21500]
Feb 28

@mmadwaite I'm so glad you're doing better.

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