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Divorce...the gift that keeps on giving. So, today my son

GirlKitty's picture

Divorce...the gift that keeps on giving.
So, today my son is moving into the dorm, his classes start on the 25th. I'm very excited for him.
Weeks ago I told my ex-husband that I wanted to go with them the day he moved into the dorm, but the ex said there wouldn't be enough room for me because the SUV would be packed. Then, the day before yesterday, I mentioned again that I wanted to go. I said I'd hold boxes in my lap if I had to. Again, there was no room for me. This morning the ex brings my son by on the way to the university. It's a short visit because they're in a hurry, but it was a good visit nonetheless. While they're here, my ex says, "We better go, we have to pick up [my girlfriend]." I found out there wasn't room for me to go help my son move into his dorm room, but there was room for the girlfriend to go.
Because I didn't want to ruin my son's first day at college, I said nothing. There's no reason for his first day to be remember by me arguing with this dad.
Earlier this week, my son calls me to ask what size pants he wears. I asked him why and I found out that the girlfriend had taken my son shopping for his college clothes and his dorm room stuff, etc... I had said I wanted to do that, too, but I'd been told it wasn't necessary. I asked my son why it wasn't necessary and he said his dad had ordered him some stuff. Now, that's true, they did order some sheets, etc...for his dorm room, but my son needed more and the girlfriend took my son shopping for college. Apparently, my son didn't know ahead of time they were going, the girlfriend just picked him up and took him.
So, I can't help my son move into the dorm and I couldn't take him shopping for his dorm room either, both things I looked forward to doing.
I haven't said anything about either, but my feelings are hurt and I'm angry, too. I'm his mother and as silly as this may sound, I always thought I'd be the one to help him get ready for college. It's a milestone in his life that I really looked forward to.
I can't help but feel I've been replaced by the girlfriend. She has my ex-husband (of course she's welcome to him) but she's taking my role with my son, too.
Am I being petty? Should I just be proud that my son has everything he needs and let it go at that? Am I overreacting thinking my ex is trying to push his girlfriend into my role with my son?
What would you do in a situation like this?

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Aug 26

@GirlKitty I really admire your maturity. I too was thinking that putting him in the middle of it wasn't a good idea, but your way of handling it is perfect! Stay on that high road; your son knows that is where you walk!

Aug 26

I would have contacted my son directly and offered him a ride with me on the way since they car would be so packed and we could stop for lunch at his favorite place. Also, I would have just shown up and taken him shopping with me. You don't need to go through his dad to see him if he is not going to respect your role as your sons mother. Who cares if the girlfriend is there or not. She has nothing to do with you. Since you missed out on that download a list of what the dorm there needs and ask your son what he is lacking then send him a care package. Take a trip and take him out to dinner. I just took my daughter to the dorm and had to do everything by myself because her dad is an xoxoxox. I give her her space but its not just about you. Your son deserves to have his mothers love and involvement. It is also about him. He is being cheated. No longer allow this to happen. No scenes with ex or girlfriend. Go through your son. Make the plans directly with him. Give him the space he asks of you not what the ex says. Your son has a voice. You and he can find your own path. Tell him you want to be there for him and to let you know what he needs from you then give it to him. Only your son can dictate this. Ex has no right to.

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Aug 26

Also, keep in mind it is hard when our kids go off to college because we know the child is becoming an adult. As a mother you needed those moments with him because it is not only a change in his life but in yours also. I am sure you will find another way to get that closure. Don't give up.


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