This is a fresh new start i want to do. i need some help. im

This is a fresh new start i want to do. i need some help. im an introvert and because i have been with narcs before this, im very guarded. Recently, a guy sent me a smile on a dating website, and i smiled back the same day. After waiting one week, i sent him a hi hows it going message. its been a month since he smiled at me. I have been divorced 2 years, separarted 3 years. i met a few men but nothing interesred me. fell for a narc, went through the whole painful process, went NC. and here i am now. I dont know much about this new guy but its easy to google him and its all online. one of my friends tells me that i should not think so much and just send him a message on facebook as he might not be so regukar on the dating site. she says men dont judge and think too much and will be flattered you even looked for him. i have been waiting for the right one a long time and trust me, nothing i see is delightful. i stay ina city which is regressive and moving isnt an option. This guy seems great to get to know at least. Should i leave this to fate and wait if he ever surfaces on the website, or should i reach out to him on facebook ? pls advise.

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[6135]
May 18

@Stonewalled thats right! i dont know what he is or what has kept him from responding to me. i was just asking a simple question because it is not common for me to feel like "hey this guy looks like he might be a good match". anyway, i do know about the meet up group. when i was traveing in the the US for 6 months i met some through that but most men were younger to me and indians rarely go easy with the age gap..haha. so well, it hasnt worked out so far. im not super active on the search but i do have timeline in my head. sometimes its good to know where u are goiing as it helps organize life better. i have noticed my choice going narrower as i grow older. so im just being concerned here.
yes there are chances he connected with someone, who knows. im just going to pray that all this love i have in me goes to the right one.

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[88975]
May 18

@TJ03 I just wanted to make it clear that I don't believe there's anything wrong with wanting to meet the right person to share your life with. Believe me, I understand that, as it's natural for human beings to want to give and receive love, and have companionship. You are young and have many years ahead of you. I'm certainly not discouraging you from seeking the right person, and I know that it's difficult in today's world. I deal with almost nothing except victims/survivors of narcissistic abuse. It breaks my heart to see how these people suffer, and are treated horribly, through no fault of their own. No one deserves abusive treatment, and so I try my best to encourage both men and women to value and respect themselves, so that they don't fall prey to these selfish, uncaring types, who use people for their own ends. I was married to a controlling, emotionally abusive narcissist for 30 years. At that time, I felt worthless, weak, and dependent -- I believed I deserved mistreatment and disrespect. I had no sense of self, or of who I was -- I felt like I didn't matter and my needs were unimportant. At this point in my life, it may be too late for me to find someone deserving of my love and respect -- but I'm okay with that, as I've accepted it. But since I've learned so much, and have a lifetime of experience to share, my goal now is to try to help and guide people to find the happiness and fulfillment they deserve in life. I hope you'll never apologize for being yourself, and expressing your true thoughts and feelings -- especially here, on SG. That is our purpose -- to provide a safe place to open up, and talk to caring and understanding people, without fear of judgment. My advice is to pursue your dream, always be who you are, trust your instincts, and watch carefully for those red flags -- even if something doesn't feel right, pay attention. I wish you the best, and that you'll find the loving person you deserve soon.....

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Eyni's picture
[38895]
May 18

@TJ03 Yes, I see what you mean. I guess my initial reaction to go on facebook was just 'no, don't' because I wouldn't like it if someone did that with me, but I'm a woman and I need to have my boundaries respected (safety considerations). Who knows what his response would be? Regardless of what you choose to do and how choose to proceed in finding a life partner, we're here to support you--to talk with and run ideas by. I understand what it feels like to have put so much ahead of a relationship and to finally feel like 'No more wait time' can be tolerated. I wish you the best on this adventure :)

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