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Right here goes. I’m a 40 year old man. I’m currently se

Right here goes. I’m a 40 year old man. I’m currently separating from my wife who is 36. We have one 7 year old daughter and I have a 13 year old stepson. It has destroyed me mentally and emotionally. After a family holiday in the summer I found out that she had sex with a work colleague before our holiday who is in his 50’s. she says this changed the way she thought about us and that it wasn’t working. She then said that sex with me disgusted her, I was not a real man and that she never loved me, it was a thrill and she felt no guilt whatsoever for doing it. She had continued to be intimate with me after this occurred. She says it was once and that they just messaged each other after that (which I find it hard to believe) as the messages continued whilst we were on holiday and for 2 months on return. She’s says there was no love in it and that he got what he wanted and that apart from seeing him in work she no longer has contact with him. Attorneys are handling the separation now but we are still in the same house. Initially she said that she hadn’t been with anyone and that nobody was going anywhere but then broke down in tears telling me I would never get over it and that she had done something awful and ruined her life. She has no turned totally cold and callous insisting there is no way back and that she is moving out when she gets somewhere. I can’t stop obsessing about her, I’ve been watching her online activity and found out about the guy she was with. Her words to this were. “I know you’re angry that another man was with your wife but really by that time you weren’t with your wife anyway” Everything she says hurts me more. I tried to stay amicable for the kids and was even willing to try initially to save the marriage but it was thrown back in my face. I feel so low and am going to be living alone soon and away from my kids.

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ifonlyinew's picture
Nov 5

Keep your chin up unless she is attacking you in which case tuck your chin down, your hands up & give as good as you get...Goodbye mate. Neil.

Jimdub's picture
Nov 8

I am sorry for what has happened to you. You mentioned at first she was all crying and then she turned cold and hurtful. Did the two of you ever consider marriage counseling ? I am wondering if She actually has low esteem issues and she is being a cruel cold hearted witch, trying to push you away ,so you don't see her vulnerabilities. Just like bullies in school 9 times out of ten they are just scared little boys.
You mentioned you have a step son maybe infidelity was involved with that relationship, and things didn't work out and she was deeply hurt because her heart was completely open to him and it was stepped on. So being the way she thinks she is protecting her heart ( which she isn't) Just a different perspective. Here are some resources that may help and the phone number for an organization that offers free counseling advise and can refer you to counselors in your area. Hopefully you can reconcile but if not you want to talk to someone on you own. 1-855-382-5433 . Prayers my friend.

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Hopeandjoy's picture
Nov 8

My ex used to say that when he first fell in love with someone else that love would spill over to our relationship and we would have some amazing intimate times. Then as the infatuation grew stronger he said felt guilty so would criticize me and and try to hurt me. Such as stating his girlfriend didnt have any gray hair or wrinkles. Or the best one of all. I reminded him of Jabba the Hut! He felt if I got mad at him that it would be easier. Problem is I just always wanted to save the relationship. Another strange thing he would do is stop by the house with his gf in the car and try to kiss me and grab my butt. Anyway I thought that was a little insight into the strange behavior during affairs.


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