Last week I found out that my wife of 14 years (our annivers

Last week I found out that my wife of 14 years (our anniversary was only a month ago) has been having phone sex with a police officer who lives in another state. We have been together for over 18 years, and as far as I know, we've been faithful to each other until now. We don't have any children. My wife doesn't work (never has since I met her), and she's been waiting until I leave for work in the morning to get on the phone with this guy. I haven't confronted my wife yet about her affair, and I'm meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow to go over my options. Over the past couple of months, my wife has been more distant, we have trouble communicating, and we've stopped having sex. I've never worried about her faithfulness before this, and the lies, and attempts to cover it up leave me wondering if I forgive her this time, what is to prevent a second time? I'm very hurt, angry, sad & depressed - I can't sleep or eat properly. Should I file for divorce or forgive her & hope it doesn't happen again?

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Sdiamond1026's picture
[27985]
Oct 13

@ctine1730
Yes, you are so right. It is hard to believe that you can spend years with someone and not really know them. Wow, you have been through a lot, how did you get through all this? Are you just unlucky and ending up with the same types of people?

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ctine1730's picture
[1785]
Oct 13

@Sdiamond1026 LOL...I don't know..with my second marriage I just ignored a lot of read flags and he had a job that made it very easy to cheat for that long. I was getting ready to leave him any way when the OW called me. My first marriage we were both young and my ExH was insecure and somewhat of a Narc... He was also an alcoholic. Things started falling apart when my son was born..he left to be with the OW also. I think the only common denominator in all 3 is they all have cheated. They all have different personalities from what I can see. My second H was the worst and the easiest to get over because I was done anyway. It's very hard now because my BF really did treat me well and I thought we had a great relationship but of course something was missing or he wouldn't have cheated. We just started CC and I'm hoping it will help us to get through all of this. He is doing everything I've asked and had become totally transparent, got rid of the OW even before I found out. She got in touch with me because she was pissed he dumped her. There is so much more but then I would be writing a book. Abandonment, cheating (my mother) and alcoholism (my mother) was really a part of my teen years. Also living with an aunt who hated women (me) and was a pill popper didn't help me either. I'm surprised I made it this far! Even with all of that I know there are people out there who have had it worse than me.

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Kas1966's picture
[4610]
Oct 13

@WilliamH marriage is a partnership you learn each others strengths and weaknesses

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