I'm really hurting today. My wife is leaving me for a man sh

I'm really hurting today. My wife is leaving me for a man she was sleeping with for at least a week before she told me she wanted a divorce.... I came here at the recommendation of a friend and family member. I'm hoping it helps me through the pain and grief.

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Sdiamond1026's picture
[26725]
May 21

@roommate
See my last post, if gives more detail on what's happening.

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[4125]
May 21

@Sdiamond1026

I'm not a psychologist, so I could be way off base. What you are describing to me sounds like a very manipulative situation. From what you described, I didn't see anything wrong with what you did. You tried your best to communicate your needs. She neglected your needs until you were desperate and practically begging. Then she just let you and called you a rapist. Then she gets you to degrade her and yourself buy paying for it, to just willingly cheat on you, giving the gift she refuses you to another and let's you find out. Now, even though you are betrayed and wounded to the point of PTSD, she claims the victim and takes full control of your needs and actions all over again. If no one else will say it, I will. From you description, she is emotionally abusing you to the extreme. You need help in this situation. If I were you, I would separate from her for a period of time to allow your mind a healthy situation until you are able to see the situation in a better light. Stop giving her control, go live your life without allowing her abuse to manipulate you. If she gets help, then perhaps there is a chance, but I don't think she wants help because she has all the power

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[8665]
May 21

@Sdiamond1026
In all l fairness, the moment you demand sex from your wife or get mad because she doesn't put out. ..you can expect things to go downhill very quickly. It will make her resent you and hate sex. Of she sees you pout because you didn't get any, you will not be appealing anymore sexually. At All. My husband n did this to me. I found texts where he and his buddies were laughing at me. I was the 'ice queen.'
I wanted to be with him and I felt terrible guilt because I couldn't. I never cheated on him. I now know that he was emotionally disconnected from me. He couldn't express his feelings, which is what every woman wants. We need it to feel connected to our husbands. We also want to feel special in our husband's eyes. Without those things sex ain't gonna happen... Orr we will do it just to get yall off our backs.
Start treating her special. Tell her sex is off the table for a month or however long. Tell her not to worry or feel pressured in that area. Then spend the time you would have spent fighting about sex to truly try and take care of her. Open up to her and make her your #1 priority and see her fall in love with you again. Ive read your posts. I know this isn't going to be easy but if you want to save your marriage. .. try.
Right now I'm mad and wanting to smack my cheating husband. But I'm going to fight to the end trying to be a good wife to him. Trying to make him happy. And caring. It's da*n hard. The thing is.... SOME BODY has to start. Somebody has to make the first move. I'm making the first move in my marriage. It sucks but I do see I tiny gimme of hope since I've started. I hope this makes any sense at all. I'm rambling. I'm the betrayed one too. Just bite the humble bullet and try.

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