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I know I shouldn’t hate Valentine’s Day but this year I

I know I shouldn’t hate Valentine’s Day but this year I do. All I can think about is my stbx and the AP. Like how he’s probably going to send her flowers and all that kind of stuff. It sickens me. I did all kinds of wonderful things for my stbx. Not just on holidays, on just because days. I don’t understand what she sees in this guy. I really don’t. I know she has no idea he’s a convicted felon (drug trafficking, possession and DUI related charges) but who would just offer up that kind of information about themselves anyway? What does he have that I didn’t? I know I shouldn’t compare and I typically don’t but on a day like today when all the love and couple crap is thrown in my face at every turn I can’t help it. I mean is it possible she actually likes and/or loves this guy?! I just don’t understand. I’m a lawyer. He has no education and is some tech type guy that works for a company like geek squad. I own a nice home in a good neighborhood. He rents some place in Louisville. I have a clean record. He’s a felon. We both have tattoos but his are Pokémon and Yu Gi Oh cartoons whereas mine all have significant meaning and tell my life story. He’s 2 years younger. I’m 2 years older. I have 2 Boston terriers I got for my stbx. He has some kind of dog. I have retirement and investment accounts, life insurance - basically a plan for the future. I’m sure he doesn’t have that crap. I know I sound arrogant as all hell but I’m really not trying to be. I just honestly don’t get why she cheated and left me for some random guy that doesn’t even live here and is so completely opposite of everything I am and the life we had built together. How does she not see what’s right in front of her? When I have days like this or thoughts like this it just blows my mind.

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CKBlossom's picture
Feb 14

Sometimes people want a change, they want something exciting and then they come to realize what they walked away from!

NewMe2.0's picture
Feb 14

Hey @sbuss1023. I hear so much similarities with our stories. First there is truth in the meme #affairdown. Why I do not know. But you are not the only one. My STBX left me for a predator investigated by the police and had his license suspended, an admitted drug addict, and a serial cheater (this is from the news articles about him). He is broke and she is supporting him with the money I make. And I get the privilege of continuing to do so for as the our no fault courts say... indefinite support.

So yes, it really sucks and it really is unfair. And I am so sorry you are going through this too. I too have wondered and beat myself up over the fact that she left me for this P.O.S. It has taken me awhile and a lot of repeating of mantras, but this does not mean that me, and for that fact, you are the lesser. In fact, while the 2 of them are in their affair fog and stuck in their immature ways, you have suffered and hurt and grieved. This has forced you to reflect, develop empathy for others suffering, and grow as a better man.

The hardest lesson to learn and come to is to realize that your healing cannot depend on her, her OM or anything external. Understanding what she sees in him will not help you heal. So life now becomes a trial of understanding what you have control over and what you do not. And anything they do is now beyond your control. But healing yourself, rediscovering yourself, learning to love yourself, becoming a more humane and compassionate lawyer helping others with your skill and knowledge, exercise... All of these are in your control. Continue to practice this separation of internal vs. External control and I think slowly what she does will lead to an indifference within yourself and you can move on.

Take care brother.

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Floored's picture
Feb 14

I hate every holiday because I found cards my husband sent the ow that he made her. He would tell me sorry he could not get to town to get me anything. He is disabled so I was like that’s ok do not worry about it. When I found a;l the things he made her I was pissed. He could have made me a card but he replaced me with her. The freaking ****!


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