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Hello. I'm new to this site. Married 19 years discovered fiv

Hello. I'm new to this site. Married 19 years discovered five weeks ago my wife has been cheating for four months. We "tried" to work it out, but she always maintained secret contact with him throughout. She finally told me a week ago she has no feelings for me. She plans to continue seeing him while we work on a divorce. She is still in the house with me and our two children, 14 and 12. I cant accept the reality that the love of my wife is leaving and has no love for me. I cant stop crying whenever I think about my best friend doing this to me and now leaving me forever. My question is how long will it take for me to gain control over my mind to the point where I can just stop crying? Is the method I should strive for to keep in mind what she did to me and that she is not the person I thought she was and then I wont cry for the loss of my friend and the woman who made me so happy? How else can I get it out of my mind when I think I'm losing my best friend and love of my life?

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[5435]
Dec 5

@Jamespromo what did you decide to do?

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[5435]
Dec 6

@Jamespromo As I understand it there is no shortcut for grief. The book Tear Soup is good and I shared a link to a you tube video reading it someplace in this support site. I also listened to a book on Constructive Wallowing by Tina Gilbertson which really she could have shortened. She said people who don't take time to grieve their losses may actually have a harder time later on. I went to a hypnotherapist who was a very good counselor and I believe I described the session in one of my posts but can send it to you if you want. She used techniques to make it more distant and to turn him into a clown, or having different ropes which mean different things attached to us and cutting them, then having new golden ropes wrapped around me waiting to attach to the right person next time. These are helpful for coping and moving on. But she also told me to give myself a break, that I (and you) am like someone who just had a relative die and am making funeral arrangements, i.e. making divorce arrangements. You don't just get over it while you're still in it.

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[190]
Dec 6

I can relate. I tell myself to be happy when I’m happy, usually when I’m with my kids, & be sad when you’re sad! I know the sadness tends to consume me too but in the rare instance I’m happy, I allow myself happiness. I also schedule times during the day to cry. Sounds goofy but it helps me get through the day. Keep coming to this site. We are all here to support others & to get support!

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