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Having a bit of a hard day. My kids are with me all week, wh

Having a bit of a hard day. My kids are with me all week, which I am over joyed about, but I miss having an adult to share my day with. I miss having STBX in the house to watch our shows together, laugh about things with the kids and talk about our days. I miss calling him when some thing happens a tellington him about it. I miss having his arms around me and falling asleep in his arms. I miss being married. I was surrounded by a class of 3 & 4 year olds today and started thinking about these things and nearly started crying and I couldn't get it out of my head. Then I started thinking of all the other things that I miss, the things I haven't felt since long before Dday. I miss feeling like the only woman in the world for someone. I miss feeling like my opinion and feelings matter. I miss feeling valued. I miss feeling safe and loved. I miss feeling respected. Some times I wish I could go back to before Dday and never find out and have my life back. But would I really be happier in the long run? I'm not sure. Ugh.

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JCAL's picture
Apr 21, 2017

@EmptyNdark Loniless is definitely not just being alone. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Having a spouse in the home is not the same as having a true partner in the home. And you are right, it was a fake marriage and would have continued to be a fake marriage. I would rather live in reality, as oppose to my STBX who chose a fantasy.

Apr 22, 2017

If you know he isn't going to change them that is exactly what I would do, MOVE ON. Yes I agree it would hurt. I have been married 27 years and am sure would be the same way. But I promise there is someone out there for you that will treat you right. Hug, hold, love you like you deserve! Hang tight, be patient, and when you are missing him just remember how bad it was when you were with him. Then focus on something better.

Apr 22, 2017

@Sware1 this is nice encouraging message . I am married to an alcoholics and also narcissist . Been tolerating all his behaviour acting as a good Wife . 20 years has passed I realised he was always an ashole and egocentric . Only now he makes the separation difficult . I am sad for my teenage daughters as they have seen us fighting since young . I wish I could show them what good Father is . Prayers for my children , they are good kids .


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