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I am nearly 4yrs (3yrs since divorce was finalized) out from

I am nearly 4yrs (3yrs since divorce was finalized) out from Dday when I discovered my ex's most recent (of many) affair was with a "family friend". I am divorced from the narcissist and have realized how abusive my marriage really was. We've been sharing custody of the kids but he continues to manioulate, lie and disregard me to get his way. I have let a lot of it go in an effort to protect my children and there relationship with him but tonight I am done! I recently discovered that he has returned to a relationship with his mistress and is introducing the kids to her. She lives in a different state. I cannot stand that this reprehensible woman is gonna have an influence on my children but I can't control that. However, our divorce states that travel information must be given within a certain timeline prior to traveling. He has repeatedly violated this requirement in the last 3 weeks but tonight was the final straw. He told me they would be staying at his cousin's house but my son told me they are staying at the girlfriend's house. Then my daughter got on the phone and was trying to hide from me that they are at the girlfriend's house because her father told her I don't like the girlfriend. So he now has my daughter feeling that she had to keep secrets from me. I am infuriated!! I have worked so hard to develop an open line of communication with my kids and one night there and my daughter is hiding things from me. WTF!!!! I immediately emailed my attorney, notified him of all the violations and will be holding him in contempt. I have let go of so many things for the sake of my kids but I have to put my foot down. It has been nearly 4 years. When does this get easier?

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beth65's picture
[32055]
Jul 12

When your kids are grown and you no longer have to deal with him it will get easier. I dealt with that same kind of thing with the father of my second child. However she always ended up telling anyway. He also got with a psycho girlfriend who lived out of state. He wanted to take her on a plane there and I put my foot down. She hasn't spoken to him since she was 16 and she is 23 now. Which is a shame but he reaped what he sowed. My side of the family just loves her as much as we can, but I doubt it makes up for that. She recently reached out to his mother and sister and has a relationship with them again. Though they aren't worth it either but I support her decison. They could never be bothered to come to her school functions or special events, never called her, etc. I didn't tell her about all the times I invited them and they didn't show because it might break her heart. I think you're doing the right thing.

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beth65's picture
[32055]
Jul 12

The court order seemed to be important to him when it involved "his rights " but he violated it and the judge never enforced part of it. And I couldn't afford to keep taking him to court since it cost so much money very time hiring an attorney which was the only way one had a chance in the county where I was.

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[2445]
Jul 31

It might start to get better when the youngest child is 18, but there will still be graduations, weddings, baby showers, etc., where there may be contact with him. Finding some way to get along may be the only way to get through these years. If he knows he is getting to you, that might keep him at it. Bullies are a lot like that because they bully you as long as they think they can get you all upset.

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