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What is moving on? What is letting go? I wish I knew. I just

Simplicity17's picture
[2975]

What is moving on? What is letting go? I wish I knew. I just want to acknowledge that I know I'm only hurting myself. I get it, but I don't know when this is going to stop. I don't know when or how to let go.

I had my suspicions of him having a new girl in his life, and I now a face to that suspicion. Why is it so hurtful? Why can't I stop caring? Why does it hurt so bad? She's skinnier than me, prettier than me, bigger boobs than me, probably younger than me, and no kids. She is also a Cancer and he is a Taurus - those signs are perfect for each other. Why is he so happy and I'm over here still struggling? Why did I hope that things would change? You know he called me randomly one night, 1st week of September, and I felt like he was talking to see if he still had the foot in the door. He even told me he loved me. But that was only a random attempt. He hadn't been trying to contact me at all. I just wanted him to work for it but he didn't. Anyway, since then he hired a lawyer, started really changing his behavior towards (like completely ignores me), and now has fully moved on to this chick. I feel sick knowing that that phone call really was to see if he had his foot in the door. He clearly had said, "I have a lot to say, but I don't know if it's too late or if it's even worth saying anything anymore." I didn't really respond to him. I really wish he knew how I felt. I really wish I knew what was going on. My best friend says that I just need closure. No, I want my husband and my girls. I want a solid family. But then I think about all the lies, cheating, hurtful words, and pain - was my whole life a lie? I feel so damaged, confused, just crazy. I feel crazy. And here he is falling in love while I'm crushed surrounded by broken pieces.

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[3285]
Nov 9

@Simplicity17 "it is him, not you." is a long journey and although a lot of us are saying it, I am sure that not only I struggle with this every now and then. The key is to focusing inward on yourself and trying to learn to love yourself and see your self-worth, which the Narcissist has broken down over years of gaslighting and manipulation. I truly thought I was an unworthy piece of sh** when things ended after he so coldly gave me the silent treatment so quickly after he hoovered so bad to get me back. It's good to be angry because it encourages you to take action and change but after a while you have to turn your energy inwards towards fixing yourself. It's easier said than done and I am very much a work in progress... but I believe in you. We all do!

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[3345]
Nov 9

@Simplicity17 You don't sound ridiculous - you sound as though you have been brought down, and need to bring yourself back up. Be that strong, loving, independent woman you desire to be. Go ahead and cry, and be happy. Choose happiness for yourself, every single day. If you're not able to take things day by day, take it hour by hour.

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[1655]
Nov 9

@Simplicity17 I went to GriefShare Surviving the Holidays and it was excellent! I’m sure the DivorceCare one will be too. :) It can’t hurt to go through the classes again, especially since your at a different stage. I’m so glad you’re a part of this support group and I agree a face to face support group is therapeutic. I’m really glad to know that you know the same God I do, the one who never leaves or forsakes you. He has carried me through and I know He will do the same for you.

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