Hi, So today is 5th anniversary of D-DAY for me - Dec 28,

(8300)
Dec 28 in Divorce, Infidelity, Narcissist

Hi,
So today is 5th anniversary of D-DAY for me - Dec 28, 2017. I filed for divorce from her in Aug 2018, divorce was final in Aug. 2019. It still is a mix of emotions. I never thought I would be here in my life. After D-DAY I had no idea how to make it through each day.
There are things that are much better. I learned a lot about myself in these years, I learned about narcissists and that my ex and the marriage I was in was very unhealthy - toxic. I am happy that I am still close with my kids. I am glad that I am no longer with my Ex.
But there are things that are still hard. My trust in people and institutions like church and marriage has been shattered. That holds me back in some ways. I sometimes look back and have regret for the years of my life that I will never get back. Even though I know I need to look forward and not back. And there are random mistakes and failures of these past few years that make me cringe.
But I know that this is life, a mixed bag of good and bad. I couldn't have made it 5 years without the help and support of good people, including folks who were so helpful on this site. THANK YOU!
Lastly, and this is the reason I wanted to post tonight. Unfortunately, new people continue to find there way to this site because of cheaters, narcissists, divorce. It is so devastating, it is so hard. I was there. I just want folks to know that in your hardest times, you have to try your best and focus on taking one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Often that's all you can do. You will have ups and downs, highs and lows. Just keep moving one step at a time. Make sure you take care of your health, your exercise and diet and sleep. It helps so much.
You can't figure it all out at once, just one foot in front of the other. Take care, happy new year everyone.

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(450)
Jan 24

@Torch1976 How were you able to finally move to divorce? Did you have a conversation about it and then followed through? I am just not sure how to move forward at this point.

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(9905)
Jan 24

@Exhausted78

I completely understand. The reality is that despite all the hardships and their faults, you we love our spouses.

And perhaps they love us, or at least to the extent that they can.
Recovering from infidelity requires immense strength, from both partners, I think.

Regardless of what you choose, I hope that it works out for the best, for both of you.

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(8300)
Jan 24

@Exhausted78
Hi sorry to hear what you are going through. It is very hard. My situation sounds slightly different than yours. My ex never ended her relationship; 5 years later she is still with her affair partner.
So I went to attorney and did a few weeks of work to prepare and get organized. My thought was if she would not end the affair and try marriage counseling; this was absolutely not what I signed up for; I would not stay in that marriage. I filed for divorce, we separated and she moved out shortly after. I stayed in house with the kids. During divorce which took a year, there were weekends that I left house so she could be with the kids.
During the affair separation divorce I lost all respect for her and came to understand that she was a narcissist. So again I think my situation was different.
I will offer one suggestion; put a date in the calendar, 60 days from now or whatever. Give yourself a due date. Try journaling and see if you evolve or change your thinking or how you feel during that time.
Sending you prayers and support

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