I am looking for some support. I am mid divorce and live abr

I am looking for some support. I am mid divorce and live abroad, so I am having a hard time connecting to my friends back home, especially because most are not married or haven't gone through a divorce so they do not understand how hard this is. I am currently in therapy once a week, but I feel I just need a friend.

My husband has cheated on me twice in our 6 year relationship. Recently he did it while I was out of country, so I kicked him out before I got home. Since then, we have continued to talk and say we were going to work on it. He came home for 2 days about a month and a half ago, but then I found out he had been living with her, and we had a big blow up, so he went back to her. He came back about 2 weeks ago, but is now set to leave to go back to her in a day or two. He said he doesn't love her or really feel he has a future with her, he loves me more than anything in the world, but he can't be with me right now. There's something missing from us.

I'm feeling quite devastated, even though I am also excited about the potential paths my life can take from here. I'm exhausted from all the lies, cheating, dishonesty, and baggage he brings. He is going to his own therapy as well, but there is a lot of crap he's brought in and verbal abuse/gaslighting/etc. I know this is for the best right now because the timing for us is off.. and if we are meant to be the universe will bring us back together as two healed individuals... but, I am still struggling with a lot of emotions. Anybody going through something similar?

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Kaida007's picture
(820)
Jul 31

I am one year divorced. It gets better. I moved out Dec 2019. I just begin dating someone new and now my ex had an epiphany and wants to discuss giving it another try. No way, Jose! Life moves on, pain heals and there are so many new relationships to explore. The biggest relief is that I no longer think about his infidelity, something that felt like I would everyday for the rest of my life while we were married. Change is hard for sure, but it is so great to have an opportunity to shape your life the way you want instead of being stuck in a negative situation. Use your divorce as an opportunity for yourself to design your life to be the way you dream of. There is a lot of good out there in the world and being alone sometimes is a great way to really get to know yourself. All to often, we stay in enviroments that are unhealthy for us longer than we should. It takes courage to say "no more, I deserve a better life than the way this feels everyday". Just keep moving forward and the days will get easier.

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(735)
Aug 3

@Kaida007, you're right; it takes courage to say no more. I wish I were at that point. It sounds like you're doing so much better, which gives me hope. I'm still at the fact that I want him even after he cheated on me multiple times. I honestly don't know how to let go. How did you get to the point you didn't think about his infidelity? That's all I think about; it drives me crazy.

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Kas1966's picture
(172970)
Aug 3

@AFD80 don't beat yourself up for wanting him, ok. That is normal. In time you will figure out what you truly want. Right now the trauma you are dealing with doesn't allow for rationality so don't pressure yourself. I gave myself a year and when I saw my husband putting in the hard work I increased the timeline. After infidelity we want them to pick us, its a consuming need for them to choose us. I'm not sure why to make us feel that they want us, desire us, love us. Then some go through hysterical bonding (yes we went through it) where you can't look at your spouse but your sex life has increased ten fold. As if we don't have enough on our plates. It really is a debilitating time for the betrayed. But it does get better. Keep getting support, learning about affairs you will heal from this.

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