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My husband of 17 years told me on Monday he wants a separati

My husband of 17 years told me on Monday he wants a separation and a divorce. He said he was moving out to an apartment he had for the last 3 months. He felt like I didn't care about him anymore that I didn't desire him. I know we've had some problems for a couple years but I had no idea he felt this way. I told him it wasn't fair that he hadn't said anything to me, that he couldn't just say all this and leave without giving me a chance. I got him to agree to see a marriage counselor but he said he wouldn't promise anything. I just can't stop crying. It doesn't help that he's away for work right now, I just want to email him and tell him I realize I took him and his love for granted and I miss him so much but I don't know if it would help or hurt things, I'm so scared, I don't want to lose him I live him so much, he's my best friend, I can't imagine him not being in my life, not seeing his smile, or hearing him laugh. He told me to think while he was away and I have I realized I haven't been showing him how much he means to me but I don't know if telling him is right or if it's being too pushy, I don't want to do the wrong thing. I keep telling myself to wait, I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow night and she can tell me if it'll make it worse, if I should give him space, he told me I could contact him...I'm just so confused, scared, alone and heartbroken. I needed to say it out loud to people who would understand. My friends and family are being supportive but they just keep saying they're here for me no matter what and they just want me to be happy. But I don't think they realize how much I hurt right now, I'm not as strong as they think I am, I can't imagine my life without him, I don't want a life without him. This helped, made me have another panic attack and I'm crying again but it helped to say it.

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Jun 18, 2017

I also agree with communicating with your husband and telling him how you feel. Seeing a counselor is a great first step! Good for you! Talk to your husband and just listen to what he says. I believe your marriage can be saved! Praying for you!

Jun 18, 2017

@Superstr44 As a man and at the risk of sounding like the kid in Sixth Sense, "I see red flags" here. Him having an apartment for the last 3 months, leaving you without any indication, and saying he felt like you didn't care about him anymore, that you didn't desire him....this doesn't match the affection and anxiety that I read in your words about it. Maybe I'm missing something.

I don't say this to be negative. Hold him accountable for his actions. If you want honesty, call his reasons BS if you suspect they are BS.

roommate's picture
Jun 19, 2017

ABSOLUTELY - COMMUNICATE ! ! ! My W played "tough poker player" and did not want to show weakness or emotion. As far as I am concerned PRIDE aint got NOTHING to do with this. Lay the cards on the table. Make extra efforts and give it everything you got because you really want to save your marriage. I think the solution is all in your post: Talk about it, and SHOW it, and DO it - let him have no doubt how much you love him and see what happens. No guarantees but if you do not try that is a guarantee for failure. Go for it ! ! !


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