My husband came in last night and saw me posting a response

My husband came in last night and saw me posting a response on here and he immediately started telling me I was texting some guy and must be giving myself to him since I don't want sex with him anymore. I tried to tell him about this site but he still thinks I was texting someone else. Now he says he is just going to find someone else too.
I guess I have been on here a lot and I even responded to a couple of friends posts on Facebook. But I have offered to let him look at my phone and he just says I'm better at hiding or I'll just delete stuff anyway. I don't know what he expects me to do. Except maybe to not have any friends.
He completely doesn't seem to believe that anyone would ever want to be just friends with me. If any guy talks to me he says it's because he wants to have sex with me. I am not very outgoing so I don't see how he seems to think I'm out flirting with anyone. I am very much an introvert and even when I was single did not flirt. He is now still sending me texts calling me a liar and that I'm just a better liar and better at hiding things than him. When I ask why he thinks I'm lying or hiding things he tells me has no proof because he doesn't snoop like I do and because I'm good at hiding things. I don't even know how to defend myself against accusations based on nothing. I really want to tell him not to come home but I know my kids will be devastated. I work tonight so I'm hoping I will be able to get some time away from him. Though when I don't answer his texts at work within an hour he starts yelling at me then too. I'm a nurse in the ICU, if I have a patient crashing I can't leave my patient and text him back.
I really think I'm getting strong enough to end things with him. It's just when I think of my kids that I start to waver. And I know my parents will not understand since there is no way I can tell them everything that has happened.

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Deflecting, projecting his crap onto you, isolating you, trying to gain control... trying to distract you from something of more importance that he doesn't want you focusing on... None of this is good (as you already know). Hope you can steal your health (this is bothering you to the point of having to prove your innocence) back from him soon - it may take very little or no contact :/

Seekpeace's picture
Mar 21

Wow Nate, The thing you said,
" To make you feel guilty and he gains more control. "
Just really hit home with me. It triggered something inside of me that gave me some clarity.
I have always lived on guilt and I think my brother knows that.
I never put together the thought of me feeling guilty gives him more control. I'm still processing that sentence and hopefully I will come to an epiphany. I hoping that something clicks in my head and gets through. All I know is that saying made me feel different. I know what you said, but I just have to find what it means for me. Thank you so much! Xoxo

Natet0499's picture
Mar 22

@Seekpeace manipulators will find a weakness. Whether it's self esteem. Guilt. Or other insecurities. Then they will exploit that weakness. For some manipulators it a game. To see what they can get you to do. For some it's worse. But. I do hope that you realize that being manipulated isn't your fault. And it isn't something you should feel shame for. A manipulator will make you feel worse about some you already feel bad about. It's good to see you on the board. I was beginning to worry about you


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