Well, my grandfather passed away around 9:30am on January 26

Well, my grandfather passed away around 9:30am on January 26, 2023. We made the arrangements for him to be cremated. We were able to pay $500 down and owe $1,250. Waiting for my grandmother to go through the paperwork she has lying around to see if she has anything on his insurance policy from the board of education retirement check. Supposedly they take so much of that check to use for life insurance of something. I don't know, I was too numb to pay attention to what the funeral director was saying... In a way, I feel like a huge trauma weight went with him when he passed and that keeps me from being able to show any proper emotion to the situation. I know I should be sad and grieving but instead I'm somehow relieved.