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This is my first post here. I'm a stay at home mom to three

[40]

This is my first post here. I'm a stay at home mom to three kids, 5 3 and 1. I love being able to stay home with them but it's been 6 years and I'm starting to dread every day. I have become increasingly depressed and overwhelmed with staying home every day all day. I've tried to tell my husband and he goes on about how he has his own things to deal with at work. He thinks it's so easy to stay home and doesn't show me any respect for the things I do. I nursed all my kids for a year each to save money on formula. He treats me like one of the children, I have to ask for money or to do things and he in return gives me a yes or no answer. I haven't had real adult contact in 6 years, I don't have friends. We live in a very small town, about 3,000 live here. I decided to go back to school after getting my associates degree 6 years ago. I will have to travel 50 min to the nearest town for the next 2 years to complete this. I keep telling myself it's my escape plan. I am completely unhappy in my marriage, and I know he is to. I have really been struggling the last couple days and can't seem to get out of this funk. I feel like I'm becoming a person I don't even know. I don't like the way I act, I just feel miserable with my life cuz I feel like I have no support from anyone. I struggle cuz I know I would be so much happier if I wasn't married but I feel trapped cuz how could I afford full time daycare for three kids. My husband can barely stand the kids, he has no patience for them and is borderline abusive so I worry if we got divorced the kids being alone with him on visitation, let alone if he got custody of them. I just keep telling myself 2 years and I'll have a good job to be able to support them without him. But for now I'm really struggling.

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AnaOliver's picture
[10250]
Jan 5

Sorry for what you've been through. You seem to be a very strong person! It's a shame your husband can't appreciate that. I think you are on the right track, working to have the decent life you and your kids deserve. I think you are brave. Kudos. The best of luck to you.

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[1375]
Jan 7

Thank you for sharing your struggles. That sounds like a very tough spot to be in. Being a stay at home mom can be a very lonely job at times. I've been doing it for 12 years now! The first few years were the hardest when the kids were small. I've learned it is imperative to have a support system, other moms who are on the same journey as I am. Meeting moms was not easy for me initially as I am an introvert, but once I had the courage to reach out it has helped me tremendously. I no longer feel so alone and isolated. I love being with my kids and now wouldn't want it to be any other way. I do understand where you are at though! Does your library have story time or children's activities? That's a great place to meet other women. Does your city have park and rec activities? Or a group like Mops is another great way to meet others. I know many times we can feel like we are in a rut and eventually start hating what we are doing and feel unappreciated. Just know that you making the choice to stay at home with your kids will have many benefits in the long run. You may not be able to see it in the moment, but your job is important. It is a hard one!
I'm sorry that your husband is acting the way he is. That's tough when your marriage is struggling and you have no support from the person who is suppose to love you most! I know it's easy to think divorce is the best option. I know, I've had the same thoughts. Honestly though, in the long run, divorce has deep long lasting effects on all involved, spouses and children alike! I understand that sometimes it needs to happen. It sounds like you and your husband have lost touch with each other. You have stopped communicating and have started to drift away from each other. I'm sure for many different reasons. Have you thought about marriage counseling? It may be very beneficial in your situation. If he is borderline abusive I would highly recommend counseling for him as well to learn how to deal with his anger. Also, it is important that you and the kids are safe at all times. Sometimes you need to leave the home, but can continue working on your marriage if that's what you choose.
I"m glad that you are taking steps to better yourself by going back to college. It's important to continue to keep growing as an individual! I know it's tough! Wishing you the best!

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[1615]
Jan 11

You sound like you are devoted mom who is not being loved well by your husband. So sorry! Have you considered marriage counseling? Another thought is MOPS, Mothers of Pre-Schoolers, which is an international organization generally run through churches. Get avenue for fellowship, guidance, and support with other moms who will understand.

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