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So I'm feeling massive depression. It seems like everyone in

So I'm feeling massive depression. It seems like everyone in my life has disappeared before this pandemic. Ever since last year when my friend passed away suddenly (35 years of friendship) I really tried to get close to my wife and tried to get to close controlling her she winded up cheating on me. Now that has been on my mind and everyday I wake up, I really wish I hadn't. I have lost interest in doing almost anything. Even my kids getting older don't want to do much with me. My wife and I are working it out but im trying to change her to love me more which will only drive her away. I can't stop it though. I take my loneliness out on her and its not helping our relationship. Its so hard to trust her everytime she walks out the door. But I still love her and don't want to lose my family. But its not just the lack of togetherness that makes me lonely. All my family and friends have disappeared after my friend died. Nobody seems to care. I need help. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Its so hard staying with her but I do love her and my kids and its not fair to my children for me to not give a better effort, but I'm trying so freaking hard.

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May 23

I hear you. But consider this two wrongs never ever made a right. Your wife could have said "stop it, we can get therapy or what can be changed". How old are the kids, perhaps they are spreading their wings and are dealing with just as intensely personality issues as you. The loss of you life long friend is profound. I offer my thoughts and prayers. Think of him as always being with you in mind and spirit you will feel his presence and he will make you smile. That gift off friendship is meant to last forever it is true love, These are issue that lead to depression and depression is at times like these are normal for a while. Life changes make emotional thoughts that change chemistry and then the ever changing firing order of neurons or and speed in the brain which then give us those feelings in the mind that we may not have had before. Being locked up from this Covid-19 Virus is a whole new layer on top of it all. Thank God it is Spring and sunny at least. Perhaps a visit or call to your M.D. would a help for advise or a little temporary medication. I prefer walking or jogging rather then meds at first.

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