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My mom only talks about her ex boy friend that havent spoken

My mom only talks about her ex boy friend that havent spoken to her in three months and how she hopes he comes back and she is waiting for him and everyone else is just up to no good. My boy friend whom I started dating because he said he understood my problems and did help me deal with it for a while is getting tired of me being upset and gets upset at me for not cheering up after he tries anymore.

I feel like i am getting no where in my life, and i am stuck.
I am in college and i want to drop out but that is a bad idea.
I have a job and I want to quit because they just take advantage of my hard work and niceness but i will have no income compared to minimum wage that gets me nowhere.
I want to move out of my moms, so I dont have to be around negativity, but i feel guilty and like she needs me. also i would be struggle very much just to not starve half the time.
I want leave my bf because he is hurting me because he doesnt understand but i would have no one.

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airforce_sfs's picture
Dec 8

Start by saying I like how you wanted to drop out but immediately followed that by recognizing its a bad idea. Focus on one thing at a time but move through them simultaneously so there will be no lag in them knowing whats the most important to you and you will have a chance to see how they react and hopefully that will put you in position to just do what is best for you, the most important, YOU! Explain to your bf, that you're hurt for several reasons. Like, seeing your mom do that to herself doesn't sit well with you because you love and care about her and when ppl have those feelings, they hurt for others. But also in doing that your mom needs to know how much extra time emotionally and mentally its taking from you that its starting to affect your life negatively. Let them know that all in all they're important but you're at the place in your life where your schooling and job are important and not making them some of your top priorities will and can have a HUGE impact long and short term that is hard to recover from.

As far as the job aspect sometimes we all want new and think about it a lot. When it does come we can be looking back like "hey, I miss what I had and realize it was better" or maybe going to a new job is the right move. To be surrounded by ppl who actually respect and treat you like a person. Won't always be a utopian trade for what we want in life and even to squeeze out something that is a minute bigger just isn't worth the hassle and stress. As long as you are happy, just do you.

Don't need to know his age but boys/men sometimes just takes us too long to mature if we even get to that point. Some lack emotional character even in the smallest amount that simply when a basic gesture from them is needed and they cannot pick up on it, gotta stop right there and wonder when they'll get it and how much that's going to take away from you if you stick around and wait for that.

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sippbri's picture
Dec 8

I remember being in your position when I was 19 years old. It seemed the world had turned against me and I felt as though I'd be stuck in the same whirlwind of emotions and sadness for an infinity.
The only thing that brought me out of my situation was hope and constant distraction from everything. What I mean but distraction is positive hobbies and also the mundane like cleaning or working on house chore. When school was difficult, I'd stop and do something else to help me realize later why I am staying up late nights, eating ramen noodles, lack of sleep at times; I'd put my own sanity first above all else, because it is more important for your soul and body to be healthy and rested than to be stressed out every second.
Remember do what is best for you. It is hard for me to say to someone to leave someone whom you loved and cared for because they are nothing but hurting you. However it is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don't drown yourself in sea of negativity. Take yourself out of that darken abyss and into
the light. It won't be easy and to say it gets better with time is fatuous and filled with platitudes. All I can say is take each day and find something your grateful for doing. After a while, the pain does subside.
Good luck.

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