I'm struggling with severe anxiety and depression. As a resu

I'm struggling with severe anxiety and depression. As a result I have pushed a lot of people away and isolated myself and been suffering from downward spirals. This has also affected my boyfriend and now it seems like he's showing some signs of depression or maybe he's resenting me I'm not sure. I can't help but blame myself for spreading negativity. I feel like I've poisoned him and others around me. I don't mean to but people are just so overwhelming for me. Our relationship is not the same. It's got this distance and we aren't having fun. I have also broken up with him several times because I feel guilty for having so many issues. Not only am I not so depressed and unhappy but now my boyfriend is changing too. We haven't had any fun together in so long now I'm just wondering if I should even be in a relationship. He's been so patient and understanding and all I've done is push him away. I don't know what to do. Depression and anxiety is really having a negative impact on my relationships. How do I break away from this?