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I’m new to this, I feel ridiculous joining an online suppo

I’m new to this, I feel ridiculous joining an online support group, but here I am. I have been battling depression for a while now. I’ve kept my battle pretty private as my husband and I worked to get me back to myself. Nothing is working, and the weight of this started to cause my husband a lot of pain, and started to bring him down. So the naive side of me decided that I needed to open up to my friends about how bad I’m struggling, and verbally admit how suicidal I am. All that ended up doing was making me feel stupid. No one REALLY wants to be there for me. Now that I’ve opened up, I’m more alone than ever. Every time I even send a text to a friend, I’m met with annoyance and short, snippy responses. I told my husband that I want to just cancel my phone, all social media, and just isolate myself. At least that way I won’t be such a bother to people and I won’t have to constantly be reminded that all these people in my life really don’t care. I feel like my depression is making people turn their backs on my husband too. It’s affecting his support circle. I know most people will hear this and roll their eyes, but suicide is looking more and more like the best option to ensure the happiness of the people I love. That’s not just “my depression talking.” I’ve tried and tried and tried to get support, but all I end up doing is pushing myself, and now my husband, further into isolatation. Suicide is beginning to look like a logical solution to help those around break free from my depression ruining their lives and their friendships. Keep in mind that my husband disagrees, and stands firmly as my support, but I’m not blind, the affect this is having on his life and friendships is real. I don’t know what to do.

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Arora's picture
Nov 14, 2017

Take a break.... From everything and everyone... Go on a vacation.... Just ur family.... For the duration of the vacation, forget everything else... And Everytime u remember abt ur depression and it's effects on ur husband, remind urself that this vacation is for urself and ur family and that u can think about everything else when u come back home.... It will really help u... I knew this bcs it helped me... U r so lucky that u have one person on ur side... I wish I am not alone... I'm not trying to downplay ur pain... I'm just trying to tell u that u r not alone... U have ur husband on ur side... That is one more than none.... One more tip that worked for me.... Everytime u realise that ur depressed mood is going to start, remind urself that if not for anything else, u would get better for ur husband bcs he really loves u as I understand from what u have said... Good luck... Warm hugs...

HeartAche19's picture
Nov 14, 2017

Suicide is just going to take your depression and put it on the people that you love


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