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Hello, I am new to this and I just need to talk to someone

[1425]

Hello, I am new to this and I just need to talk to someone

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[32845]
Feb 11

@michaeltaso
I am very sorry for your loss.

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[1425]
Feb 12

Good morning and thank you to everyone! Yes it has been very hard I never really dealt with her death. She passed in a fire and my sister survived, I became very angry and hurt. I am a mother now an because I never dealt with my pain and suffering it is showing through my parenting. I want to deal with this and be better for myself and my daughter. I owe her the world. @michaeltaso I am sorry for your loss, make sure you have someone to talk to, that will just listen. When I would try and talk to family they just did not understand. @ns100 yes i do know why my mother and I did not have a close relationship. We were going to start working on it, she died the night before mothers day so we never were able to start. She was going to tell me things she was lying to me about for my whole life like who my father really was, and that's just to name one of the many issues my mother and I had. I have struggled with that, and when you have certain family members who think they know everything tell you they know who your dad is. And your like how the hell you know, were you in the bedroom with my mother when i was conceived. This family member was telling me this literally right after my mother died, like I wanted or needed to hear this at that time. Sometimes family is just to much especially when you have a broken family like mine. I am sure there are a lot of people out there with broken messed up family members from nosy cousins to drunk drugged uncles etc. I am happy to have found this site because now I feel like I can finally let out what I been trying to say and feel for over 10 years now. Thank you everyone. May you have a beautiful blessed day. ttyl

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[1425]
Feb 13

Good afternoon out there. So I am feeling a bit out of sorts today. But I like to come here and get things off my chest that I needed to do a long time ago. So I miss that I will never be able to mend my mother and I, our relationship. I was so taken aback from the loss of her. I was very hurt, I wanted so bad to talk with her and let her know how I felt all my life growing up with her, and wanted her to be open about herself. My mother was very lonely and depressed. She did things in her life that I feel she could never forgive herself for and was ashamed. I wish that she would have talked to someone, because that affected our relationship as mother and daughter. I was angry that she lied to me about who my father was, and she was going to tell me when we had mothers day dinner with each other, but she passed the night before. So i have been dealing with this for over ten years. Then to boot I get a call ten years later from someone I know very well telling me they know who my father is and if I would like to speak with him. Well let's see I am 41 now and the person who is said to be my dad cause they are not really sure, I know this person very well and he is not a good person. He is a narcissist, a rapist, and a pathological liar. I choose to not associate myself with him and I just want to move on with it, but it still bothers me at times, I just wish my mother was here so I could ask questions. I really don't care to take a DNA test because it will not change the fact of the person he is , what he did to me as a child and I don't want him in my life. I just needed to get that out for today. I am just going to take it one day at a time getting things off my chest. It feels good to do so. It's not good to walk around with all the weight of the world. I hope you guys out there are doing ok, take care and have a great day.

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