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Good morning all, I am very new to this whole blogging thing

Good morning all, I am very new to this whole blogging thing and also new to the environment of support groups. Let's see I have struggled with depression ever since I was about 6 years old. It all started with my parents Divorce, and yes I probably should've just gone to the "divorce" support group when that's the first part of my story but so much more happened to contribute to being depressed. When my parents got divorced i thought in some ways it was my fault. My father had a vasectomy before my mother got pregnant with me I am that 0.001%. But I am also the one that my father hated the most. One because he didn't want any more kids and two because I wasn't a boy. So one day he left. And I thought maybe if I go visit him things will be different. And things were. He started touching me and taking naked pictures of me and going in the shower with me, so did his girlfriend and her two sons. Then chimed in my grandparents on his side. 6 people started showing me the love that I never had when my parents were married so at 6 years old I thought that this was okay. And my dad wouldn't do anything to hurt me. This went on until I was 8 years old. When when day my Bio asked if I could stay the night so when my mom came to pick me up I ran out to ask her if i could go, she told me no and that I needed to get into the car. I fought with her for a minute when my bio came out of the house. She told me to get in the car one more time and so I did. She reversed out of the driveway and just as she put her car in drive he jumped in front of the car. He lived in a cul-de-sac so we had no way of leaving unless we ran him over (we did not do that) the police were called and he was placed in a temporary detainment to allow us to get away. That was the last time I saw him. I made a choice not to go back. But not before I contracted a life long disease. Court went on from the time my parents got divorced to the time I was around 12. When we finally went to the police about what had happened to me, I finally found the courage to speak up. At that point I was Diagnosed with HPV. I never did find out who I got it from. Maybe my grandpa, grandma, father, fathers girlfriend, or her two sons. I still don't know to this day. Nothing happened to my Bio. No one went to jail. Life just went on for them. The court escapade finally ended when it came down to my bio going bankrupt and keeping his kids or giving up all rights to the kids and get to keep drinking. He gave us kids up. At this time I was 12 years old, and my new step dad had asked me if he could adopt me. I said yes. I had been waiting for a father figure to jump in so i was so excited! He adopted me married my mom adopted my other sisters. And then we were trapped. Eventually he went crazy, he began talking about evil spirits (which do get my wrong I do believe in good and bad spirits, angels, the devil, and God; not in the way he did) He believed he could see the spirits and we'd have to do weekly cleansings because we had evil all around us and eventually we had to do water cleansings. He would take us to the woods that we lived by (I lived in michigan and he decided to do this right as winter was ending) and he would shove us in to a river and hold us under water up until the point we would scratch at his arms. I even drew blood once. This went on weekly again, and then it escalated again. He would pitch a tent in the middle of the woods and one kid at a time would have to stay out there all night. Now I'm all for camping but not when its 37 degrees and all i have for warmth is a candle. I ended up burning my skin on the tips of my fingers with a match to press on my body to keep warm. Then we moved to Georgia, and thats when domestic violence began. We became conditioned to know that any time "family meeting" was yelled we better have our robes and slippers on with our charged phone in our pocket (this was usually done in the middle of the night) because we were going to get the crap beat out of us and then we'd get kicked out and it was only us kids and my mom, his kids were never hit. He'd blame in on drinking, or he'd blame it on us stressing him out with our past. finally my mom left him their marriage didn't even last a full year. So by the time I was 13-14 she met a guy who was also helping her with he VA benefits and her divorce. They hit it off and they got married when I was 15. I had a boyfriend at the time. He didn't know about my Diagnoses nor did I want to tell him unless it was guaranteed to become a permanent thing. But I was 15 so there was no way I was going to be having sex with him nor did I see us staying together forever. I was young. But he had other Ideas. He would keep pushing for more and more. At this point I had never even CUDDLED with a guy let alone anything else. But eventually he decided he didn't want to wait anymore and he was going to get what he wanted no matter what. So from 6-8 I was sexually abused and contracted a non curable STD and at the age of 15 I was raped by my boyfriend. I am 18 now. I still struggle with my demons. I struggle with depression a lot. I have attempted suicide 3 times. And I don't talk about my past or I distance myself from people. But everyday I work harder to find something that will bring a positive into my life like "I'm alive" "My boyfriend loves me for who I am even with everything that has happened" "I have a support system" "I am happy most days" Sometimes I talk to older people and they make that statement "Wait till life hits you, it's not as easy as you have it right now" But little do they know I've gone through a lot already and I am a SURVIVOR! I want to help people but I also would like to talk about my issues with people who maybe endure the same pain as I do.

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@peanutloner95 well life would be very hard if I only ever had a negative outlook. I work with what I have and learn from mistakes and make a better life for me in the future. Live like a river don’t look on your past, because life only goes forward

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@jgarafola it’s nice to inspire people. It brings me joy to help others.

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@NCMom lord no I’m not with him anymore. The man I’m with now is so supportive and loving and caring he knows everything I’ve been through so he treads lightly sometimes and I notice but I know he means well

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