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Uh so. Its been a week that im back at school and it has bee

Uh so. Its been a week that im back at school and it has been a terrible one.

I wrote my suicide note at class today. That's not good huh.

I just thought, well my parents already have my older siblings, my bestfriend have found better people to hang out with. My friend who I like seems to be meeting this girl.

I just felt like Im not really worth that much in peoples lifes.

So,so I mean its not that selfish right? Im doing this for my wellbeing right? I tried everything but alas nothing.

I really dont know what to do please PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME

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MortalVirtue's picture
[65]
Jul 14

@Dreamsonclouds i'm so glad to hear that :)

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Dreamsonclouds's picture
[215]
Aug 15

Hey, I guess an update is long overdue

So Ive been going to therapy :)

Ofcourse the thoughts are still going strong but atleast I can have a little comfort of someone that I can talk to casually

I almost wrote another suicide note again last week but Im proud to tell you that I stopped myself

My bestfriend now knows what Ive been going through but I still dont feel comfortable talking about things with her

I mean I love her but she is very upfront and says what people think about me (which is not good) I still dont know if thats good but I guess thats fine

I can talk to a few more people and feel kind of comfortable but I still cant shake the feeling that they will think horibbly of me (like I dont have friends so I have to follow people around)

School has been up and down. Last week was terrible though, I got bad test score, I was really emotional, I had a lot of panic attacks

I now can actually say I had fun at school so thats progress :)))

I do still cry after school but its not as often as I used to

The one thing I really want to do is make ameds with one of my friends, he was a great friend but now we kind of ignore each other

Is it bad that I want to talk to him again? I dont want people think im doing this for other reasons. And I dont want him to think that too (im not gonna lie I did like him) but he was a really great friend, he was the one who helped me get through one of the most hardest things Ive gone through

But anyways Progress
: I can now can say that I was happy

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worstcurse's picture
[3615]
Aug 15

I suggest you ask your friend to stop telling you "what people think about you". In your shoes I'd bluntly tell her that I'll ask them myself, should I ever care to know what they think.

I disagree that you "have to follow people around." The best times in my life were a result of following my own heart, not from following others. Oh, I did do my share of following. It just never enhanced my life in any significant way.

As for your friend who you used to like, I don't know if it is a good idea to restore a friendship with him. What I can say is please, please, please don't base your decisions on what 'other people' will think. 10 years from now these 'other people' will be gone and you'll be left with only the results of your own decisions.

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