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Trigger warning (again, ofcourse)* I know this post doesn

Believerinbetter's picture
[16420]

Trigger warning (again, ofcourse)*

I know this post doesn't matter. And i know that I've messed up so much that I don't matter. I really tried to be happy. I smiled more. I looked at the positive. I kept telling myself to pray the pain away. I kept myself around people that made me happy. But now, I don't see a point. Here i am, turning 16 in a few days and all i want to do is die. That's all. I don't want to celebrate. I don't want to even mildly cheer. Because why do i even deserve to be happy, huh? I was a confused girl and I still am. I try to put on this happy front that I'm ok or this happy face that tells other people that things get better. But I don't think do....atleast not for me. I have never felt so pained in my life. Not even when my dad died. Not even when my mom gave me up when I was 5. I feel alone. Isolated. Completely worthless. Gone. Maybe I should be gone.

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Believerinbetter's picture
[16420]
Oct 13

@rtscd8 thank you. I hope i realize that too. I have considered conseling and actually want it, but i have to ask first.

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[280]
Oct 13

(TW) I’m so sorry you’re gojng through this. When I was 16 I did try to end my own life and it is still the biggest regret I have. You deserve to be here long enough to find what makes you happy and thrive because you will. Maybe on your birthday if you have no one you care to celebrate with hang out with yourself. Get a cake or some food you love and put a candle in it and enjoy being there for yourself. Maybe cry about life but you really just gotta get out those painful emotions in a healthy way. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, especially around your birthday. Please don’t go anywhere. Sending you love and strength

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Believerinbetter's picture
[16420]
Oct 14

@mhelp1 Thankyou, my birthday was actually a reminder that people still care about me. And for a day i gave myself permission to forget about all the pain I've been going through. But i remember the pain again. I remember how much it hurts to live and to breathe. But I'm going to keep trying. I appreciate your support and encouraging words. I hope i don't go anywhere.

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