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I just need to let certain things out. I'm so depressed and

BN907's picture
[460]

I just need to let certain things out. I'm so depressed and stressed out. And it seems to be getting worse. I'm at this point in my life where I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. I really don't wanna feel this way. Because when I do feel this way I feel incredibly guilty because of my son. I absolutely love him so much and he means the world to me but I'm just tired of struggling all the time. I'm tired of not being happy and tired of feeling guilty for not being happy because he's the one good thing in my life. I don't know what to do anymore because normally I fall on therapy for help but my current situation in life is complicated and I don't have the means to get to and from therapy. My child's father is no help at all and I'm stuck stressing about everything. Big and small. I'm just so tired. Sorry I can't think straight right now and I'm crying in bed as I write this. Please note that even though I feel the way I do. I have no intentions of causing any harm to myself or my child.

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[125]
Dec 19

Girl, I am with you. I have one son, his dad is a heroin addict. He provides NO support and is not around at all. No one realizes how this leaves an emptiness in the parental responsibilities. No matter how strong our coping skills are, we are going to have burnt out, depressed, stressed, and lonely days. We can only keep trying to take the small steps towards keeping ourselves and our children strong and minimize the bad times. But they will happen. The world is not kind to single parents and that is not being negative. It is the reality. We struggle more but it WILL make us stronger and maybe we will be sitting on a beach with our kids one day when they are older and self sufficient, thankful that we had strength to overcome our obstacles. Know that I am thinking about you and you are not alone. I am sorry you are having the hard time you are having. You know you want to be happy and have a happy life with your son. Do everything you can to get there and do not give up. You are doing the right thing just being on this website reaching out for insight and support.

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BN907's picture
[460]
Dec 21

CURRENT UPDATE : Unfortunately I have just received some heartbreaking devastating news. My mother's cancer is back (pancreatic) and it's worse than before. My mother - who is the only parent I have ever had in life. The one person who stepped up to help me with my son is dying. Now I knew that at some point her cancer was gonna come back but I'm not ready for it to be a reality you know. I dont know ima do without her. She's all I have besides my son. Idk how ima tell my son when the day comes that the woman he knows as Grammy is gone. This hurts so much. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. I'm losing such a huge part of my life. I wish this wasn't happening. I wish I would wake up later on and find out this was just one big terrible dream but it's not. I just cannot cope right now. I'm afraid that once it's time for her to finally go I won't be strong enough for my son. I'm afraid I might shut down. It's a lot to take in. I'm sorry I don't know what else to say and I can't think straight now. Between crying my eyes out and being overly tired. I want to go to sleep but at the same time I don't want to.

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[27110]
Dec 21

@BN907 i'm so sorry to hear that. I'm so sorry. still, you have to take care of yourself. make yourself a hot tea with honey if you can. get some air in nature near your place. think about and write down practically/productively what you are going to do. ex) one page list.

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