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I just need to let certain things out. I'm so depressed and

BN907's picture
[405]

I just need to let certain things out. I'm so depressed and stressed out. And it seems to be getting worse. I'm at this point in my life where I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. I really don't wanna feel this way. Because when I do feel this way I feel incredibly guilty because of my son. I absolutely love him so much and he means the world to me but I'm just tired of struggling all the time. I'm tired of not being happy and tired of feeling guilty for not being happy because he's the one good thing in my life. I don't know what to do anymore because normally I fall on therapy for help but my current situation in life is complicated and I don't have the means to get to and from therapy. My child's father is no help at all and I'm stuck stressing about everything. Big and small. I'm just so tired. Sorry I can't think straight right now and I'm crying in bed as I write this. Please note that even though I feel the way I do. I have no intentions of causing any harm to myself or my child.

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[40]
Dec 2

I feel you, I feel your depression deeply because I’ve been exactly that deep and in complete darkness. What I can share with you is that it didn’t start to get better until realized I DO have a choice in how I feel.

I have a practice that regardless of whether I think its working or not Im 100 percent committed to this habit.

Every morning when I wake up I say Im thankful to be alive and make a list of everything Ive been blessed with. Continuing to survive from cancer is high on that list.

Every night I do the same thing. I do this to develop a habit of gratitude.

I do this to replace my habit of anxiety, depression, panicking, and resentment of others.

If you have made it this far through my comment then I want to thank you. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for hearing my message, by you reading this comment it validates my cancer experience was not in vain and that it was a journey meant to give me a foundation to help others. I appreciate you!

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BN907's picture
[405]
21 hours ago

@lilynameless Thank you so much! I am trying to keep my head up and keep moving forward but it's so difficult when it seems like every time I get ahead in life I get knocked back. Just feels like nothing can ever go right. And I feel so stupid for complaining because things could be worse and there's so many people out there in the world that are going through way worse than what I'm going through.

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lilynameless's picture
[2295]
20 hours ago

@BN907 "This could be worse", is a phrase that applies to everyone, and I do not think it should ever be a reason for someone to be neglected. You are going through rough times, but you are going in elegance.
Tunnels are dark, and cold.
Within them, wind blows out all light.
But wind cannot chose, just as you.
When one listens, one hears it sing, for all to go on, for all to prosper.
Let it's song guid you, and you will find spring on the other side.
I wish you the best.

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