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I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to put it out

BlackLily's picture
[14785]

I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to put it out there. My grades are plummeting, I'm working more hours to make rent, while my boss brags about how he can go home early, I don't have time to study anymore, I can't make rent this month, guys who are unhealthy for whatever their reason be are hitting on me, I sent something to my dad, he said he needed it because he felt depressed, I talked with my mom, she's hopeful to get Clay back, I am homesick and feel like I have no one that cares for me in the area I'm living in. If they did, why do they think I lied about being assaulted, if they did why do they leave when they know it's bad, and if they really did why are they silent?

I don't know what else to do, I wish I could just end it all here. I have no purpose, I am an empty vessel just waiting to be taken advantage of again like I'm still living in the f***king past. I am going to take my life tonight, goodbye. I hope you all lead better lives than I because I am unworthy and undeserving.

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BlackLily's picture
[14785]
Sep 10

@NCMom I understand, I just am trying not to be depressed or at least allow it to sink me. Because my grades are in the toilet, my dad said he's depressed, my friends left, people wonder if I am trustworthy, I need a full time job, I'm behind on my Bill's, and I just found out tonight that the guy I was dating no longer wants to be together, so here I am drowning in painful tears.

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BlackLily's picture
[14785]
Sep 11

@buddhabob I would be open.

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buddhabob's picture
[46065]
Sep 16

So many problems piling on top of you! Sometimes life is like that: for a while it is all plain sailing, and then the hurricane roars in. There are two things I suggest right off the top.

The first is to pracice some kind of radical acceptance (https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-radical-acceptance-and...), which is to say more or less what you are already doing but without any sense of hopelessness, guilt, or whatever. Life has dumped on you: there is nothing you can do about what has happened; you can only pick yourself up and move on. Accept that fact as best you can, and try to find some calm in the middle of the storm.

The second is to look at https://www.eisenhower.me/eisenhower-matrix/ . Doubtless one of your difficulties right now is deciding what to do next, and the Eisenhower Matrix is a simple recipe to help you make that decision.

Beyond that, there's more pragmatic things you could try to solve the individual problems. Being here on SG is good: we're here to help you and support you as best we can, and I hope that just knowing that will give you a small boost. There are other people Out There who can help too. Consider a crowd-funded appeal; there are a TON of outfits that may be helpful (for example https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Crowdfunding_platforms_of_the_Uni...). I assume you've already considered the obvious social service agencies that may have an office somewhere near to you.

There are also a TON of crisis lines staffed by people much more qualified than I (https://sites.google.com/site/sgselfharmstuff has some ideas). Give your dad a hug (if possible) and let him know that you SO understand about depression. Pick up a teddy bear in lieu of a boyfriend: they are a whole lot less trouble, although rather less fun in bed :-)

Talk to your teachers about your grades and the problems you are currently facing: they may be able to cut you some slack. You can also ask us for help with course work: maybe someone here can help you to write an esssay or explain some obscure math, or whatever.

Any of this helping? If you want to take this chat private (via PM) that's fine too. Hoping you can find your way through this rough patch.

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