I’ve had a strangely off and depressed day. I think part o

Jules21's picture
[2725]

I’ve had a strangely off and depressed day. I think part of what is affecting me is my past and how that past has affected my present. I watched The Glass Castle last night and there were some parts I could relate to. My dad was always an alcoholic growing up. He was selfish and always made sure he had his cigarettes and alcohol while we 3 kids and my mom went without things. We never starved or anything like that. We always had a roof over our head. So the movie definitely displays worse conditions than what we endured, but probably the worst part of my childhood was the fear we experienced. He never hit us, but we never knew what to expect when he drank. He scared us. And he was emotionally abusive. His words and actions affected us all so much in such a negative way. We were defenseless against it. Just like in the movie, my dad also had his good moments, but sadly they don’t outweigh the negativity. I have terrible lack of self esteem and confidence. I’ve tried so hard to prove my value to myself, but I don’t think I will ever allow myself to truly feel worthy.

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[8710]
Nov 18

Wow. I am speechless because I could have wrote the post you wrote.
I grew up under very similar circumstances.
My Dad was a good Dad when he was not drinking. But, he was an alcoholic.
But, when he did.......
The fear was hard. Us kids witness him trying to kill our Mother many times.
I am an mature woman now. But, after all these years my past still affects me.
My self-esteem and confidence is lacking too, despite the fact that I have some good things going for me.
I am also always trying to prove myself.
If you want to talk, I am here.

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[8710]
Nov 18

Wow. I am speechless because I could have wrote the post you wrote.
I grew up under very similar circumstances.
My Dad was a good Dad when he was not drinking. But, he was an alcoholic.
But, when he did.......
The fear was hard. Us kids witness him trying to kill our Mother many times.
I am an mature woman now. But, after all these years my past still affects me.
My self-esteem and confidence is lacking too, despite the fact that I have some good things going for me.
I am also always trying to prove myself.
If you want to talk, I am here.

Reply
[140]
Nov 18

Wow This is hitting Home with me and my situation was different, I was sexually abused. What you said about constantly having to prove yourself is something I do and I just only realized I was doing it. I have a huge heart but people and super nice and my husbands family never liked me because of that.

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