I also lost and confused. I need help understanding what is

ghostlyy's picture
[5555]

I also lost and confused. I need help understanding what is happening in my relationship. I'm dating a wonderful man for 10 months now, we live together. He's been depressed, distant, and unhappy for a while now. He has no interest in anything, including sex, and Im feeling neglected, rejected, hurt, and a tad resentful... I am finally free of my ex narc but now I feel I'm stuck in another dead end relationship. My boyfriend was sexually abused as a young child and emotionally abused and abandoned by his parents throughout his life so I understand he is depressed but my positive outlook has recently been dashed completely. I'm feeling jealous, insecure, angry and hurt. I'm pulling away from him. I'm trying to understand but he isn't interested in anything... And any time I try to bring these things up its "Sorry I suck, sorry I'm so damaged, sorry I can't make you happy"... What on earth can I do? I've been crying and feeling so lonely and I finally thought I had a shot at happiness. I feel guilty for wanting to leave him, even though I love him dearly... I simply don't know what to do.his depression has strangled my happiness and my anxiety and depression are at an all time high again... Help. :( Do I have to break up with him? How can I help him? Or is it a lost cause, like my ex?

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luna1994's picture
[9415]
Jan 12

i would recommend you try couples counseling

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Lossoflust16's picture
[1110]
Jan 12

I am in the same boat. I wish i had all the answers for you dear.

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[710]
Jan 13

Ultimately, whatever you do must be your decision. But my heart goes out to you b/c I’ve gone through something similar. My husband and I moved in together after just a few months of dating. He also. Had experienced sexual abuse from a family member and was abandoned by his mother. At first, I chalked up his laziness and passivity to his having been beaten down by his abusive ex-wife. Then during the second year he lost his grandmother and suffered a big setback at a new job. His negative behaviors just hit rock bottom at that point. I reached a breaking point and made some mistakes of my own and we were in the process of splitting up, but decided to stay together. That was ten years ago. Maybe it’s the simple fact that people and life are complicated and difficult, thereby making relationships hard, OR deciding to stay with him was just a mistake all those years ago and I’ve wasted the last ten years. I’m still on the fence. But absolutely agree with the other here who recommended couples counseling. In all honesty, if I could go back with the benefit of knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have stayed. No guarantee my life would have taken a path making me any happier, but...it’s certainly not what I wanted for myself right now either.

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