I feel alone. I'm 29 weeks pregnant. I work a few hours a we

I feel alone. I'm 29 weeks pregnant. I work a few hours a week out of the home. I'm isolated from friends and family, as are most people right now. I can't sleep well. I ache all over. There are times suicide seems like the best option. I feel bad for the baby inside me because I don't feel emotionally able to be a present and loving parent. I'm on an antidepressant and the dose can't be raised any higher; I'm at the max therapeutic dose as is. I have a husband but he works 9 hours a day and then comes home and works on getting the house ready for the baby. I can't talk about how bad I feel with him. My best friend from HS is pregnant too, but she seems to he happy and excited. I feel like a whiny downer or attention seeker when I tell her how I honestly feel. On top of all this, I'm in recovery and I don't seem to fit in with anyone else in that community. I didn't go to treatment, I gradually quit on my own. I'm not religious and so many in recovery are. I'm completely unmotivated to do anything. I could sit around in my pajamas all day with stinking breath and dirty hair. I hate leaving the house to grocery shop, so I sit around hungry all day. This is turning into a long rant but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I'm not even sure I want to bring another human on to this planet. It's too late for an abortion and since I've gone through the pain of carrying the child, I guess I'll have it. What an attitude to have.

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andine's picture
(52880)
Apr 10

Sorry to hear that. Keep searching for available support. Hopefully you will find something local.

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CKBlossom's picture
(495895)
Apr 12
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(60)
Apr 12

@little_mouse
Check with your husbands work or even yours if they offer an EAP. They will allow 3-5 free counseling sessions for spouses or other family members. I remember feeling how you feel when I had my daughter. That was 10 years ago. I still struggle, but you may see that bringing another life into the world will make yours worth living. If not for you then for your baby. I call my daughter my lifesaver. Without having her, idk where I would have ended up. I would also recommend opening up to your husband. You are a team and maybe he is having some feelings too. You could both support eachother.

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