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Feeling like my own worst enemy and very alone. Therapy was

PeppermintSunrise's picture
[17040]

Feeling like my own worst enemy and very alone. Therapy was today and it was a bit hard. I think I get upset with my therapist when she calls out certain things. I've realized she had to remind me today that I am 24 and are not responsible for my moms feelings and how she handles them. I'm an adult who can work and so on and it bothered me for some reason. I dont wanna stay here, god knows I dont but I dont know why knowing this would make me feel so upset? I think I need advice.

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[13755]
Sep 17

I think it might upset you because...she doesnt seem to be (getting it) by bringing up your age and saying you are an adult and can work. Well the reason you are going there to talk with a therapist is,because of your mental state, because of narc trauma past and present. Thats why you are seeing a therapist because you want to become psychologically stable enough to get out of there on your own. Yes you are an adult but you need mental health help you arent ready to be out on your own. You struggle just just to get through a day. Im not so sure she really gets it.

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PeppermintSunrise's picture
[17040]
Sep 17

@Littleturtle1000 YES. I feel like shes not getting it an I dont know what to say to make her see it. When I'm in therapy I have a bad habit of not saying what I truly feel because this is the first time I'm able to talk about my mom. I havent asked me therapist what she knows about narcissistic mothers or narcissistic abuse. Shes never said that she knows about it or anything and I truly dont have it in me to switch to another therapist rn if I have to which I'm hoping I wont. Her or anyone repeating my age and so on literally makes me feel so much worse because they dont understand how much abuse my brain has taken. I am.not copping out due to avoidance or depression (which is what a therapist told me when I was in middle school) or waiting for my mom to do all of it for me. When i hear that it makes me wanna punch a wall and scream because I believe that's exactly why I was afraid of talking about it. That's exactly how my mom has it set up for me. As soon as I speak ppl think I'm just blaming her.

My therapist has stopped me from talking when I do talk about my mom but I only bring her up because if you asked me where I got this stuff from, it would be my freakin mother. I know my therapist wants what's good for me but I dont know how to make it clear that this is MY reality and it's the fact that my mom has really ruined my brain and I am trying so hard to fix it with no one else here to help me but my therapist. Everyone always telling me to move arent even asking me how I feel. They dont have a job opposition for me nor a place to stay or resources that can help me afford to even.pay for a place to live. It makes me break down terribly bad and makes me still feel like I'm crazy or that I'm not trying. Ans I am.really not sure how to say that out loud without feeling the need to cry. It hurts in way I do not think other understand. And even those who made it out are never real and honest about the reality of leaving physically, emotionally or mentally. they dont tell you how bad it feels, they never tell you the depressing days they had to stop.planning because it was too much to handle alone. They just make it seem like up and.leaving was not only hard but also a hardcore breeze on.the emotions.

i know if I left now I would come back because I am.not accustomed to the outside world and I am trying my best. I have thought about not going.to therapy anymore but that would just ruin so much.

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[13755]
Sep 17

@PeppermintSunrise I wish i had the answer to everything but i dont, however, the first thing that comes to my mind is for you to start googling hotline numbers for depression, psychological abuse, and anything else that sounds right to you. Copy all of the ones that you want to try out and call them but have a power point wrote down in front of you on what you want to ask about or talk about such as saying right off the bat...I suffer from narcissistic abuse from my mother, im 24 and i desperately need mental health help so i can get strong enough to break away and get out of hear. You could say i dont know where to start or where to call so im trying to find the right resources to my specific needs. See what they say and take notes, write their name down and what hotline you reached them at. Dont stop after that one call the next one do the same thing. If you have the energy one day to call several in a row then do it but if not wait a day or whatever and start again. The goal is to find someone that knows what youre up against and or getting a recommendation of another place you can call that they think might be able to help you more. Some people apply for ss disability for ptsd and even depression. Some people can get what they call partial disability so read up on that too. All you need is a diagnosis, if you dont have an officaial diagnoses then you would have to see a psychiatrist to get one. So you could stay with the therapist you are seeing now but also look for more counseling througg hotline numbers its free. You have nothing to lose by calling places, one of them might have good info.

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