This week's Topic: Giving yourself permission to be imperfect!!!

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Wow... clarity. Breaks down trust so you understand what's m

Blueberries1234's picture
[59505]

Wow... clarity. Breaks down trust so you understand what's missing and why. :) For me, it was boundaries because I have not defined my own and so could not communicate them clearly.

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Blueberries1234's picture
[59505]
Jul 21

@decisionstomake I really struggle with #2 & #3 you mentioned. Sometimes I can get all the way through, but then I get pulled back by my feelings again so I undo my decision. Back and forth. But getting better. At least aware of it, then getting into a state of peace, to make a rational choice renewed each day. Builds self worth. It's like a pyramid.

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[4135]
Jul 23

@Blueberries1234 I can also relate to what you say as well. I agree that being empathic can lead to impulsivity-- but more so that there is an underlying need to impulsively appease others almost reflexively in order to show support and love toward that person. But I also believe that being brought up in an environment with a narc also trains us to do that, after all in dealing with a narc they create a situation in which it is just easier, more efficient, less stressful, easier on the ears, etc. to do whatever it is that they ask of you rather than them doing it themselves. I think sometimes this urge to appease others can be compelling. Thats where you have to trust your own judgement or inner voice that says, yes, I could do this for him or her , but I am not helping them by doing this task, and my doing it for them will just enable them to be dependent on me and take advantage of me. Then of course resentment occurs for both. Sometimes it can be hard to just do nothing, but you can do it!

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Blueberries1234's picture
[59505]
Jul 24

@decisionstomake exaactly. We have learned to be invisible to avoid all of these experiences. And we shrink from love because it has always been followed by punishment. Neglect and self abandonment has been a survival tool. It's good to see it. And how we do it reflexively even with every day situations and then when we are aware, we are observing ourselves in the NOW we can decide to not reflexively give <3

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