Feeling feck-awful right now. Met a woman that interests me

Feeling feck-awful right now. Met a woman that interests me, and it makes me feel even worse about myself, because nobody could go for someone at my age in the situation that I'm in. And I can't picture my life getting better... literally, I used to be able to picture myself healthy, and with a job, and with a wife and kids. I can't form the image in my head, despite that being what I want. It's so far away from where I am now. 30+, on disability since 2009, medically-disabled since 2003, I've never had the chance to hold and job, though I did finally get through college after 10 years on and off. Now, with no work history I can't get a job despite being well enough to at least work part time. But I can't work part-time because then I wouldn't have any health insurance and given that I still have all the medical issues, I'd putter out and kick it pretty quickly. And employers don't care whether I was/am disabled or not, no job history = a risk they're not willing to take. But then there's no cure for what I have so I'll probably always be sick so it'll never be possible for me to not have health insurance. And disability pays *****. Less than half of what's considered "the poverty line", which means living with my parents until they die and then... who the feck knows.

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[35]
Aug 12

@sqwoo Hey, thanks :) The US doesn't do a whole lot, there's federal disability, but only if you've worked. I never really got the chance to bulid up a social security account, though I was finally able to get disability when my dad started collecting his social security and they just took some from him and gave it to me in the beginning. Now I get $14,000/year. It's not enough to live on, but my parents don't make me pay rent and my car is paid off, so most of my expenses are clothes, medical, gas, and recreation.
I'm proud sometimes, but other times I get down on myself. The illness I have, a lot of people don't even believe it's a real thing, and when you have so many people saying that it's all in your head you start to wonder whether it may actually be. I have to remind myself of what I've been through and the positive tests, etc. I do feel that persevering in the face of multiple debilitating obstacles is something I should be able to market, but I keep being told that companies will see an illness as a liability no matter what.
I am currently volunteering at a health awareness non-profit, but it's only 1 or 2 days a week. There is also a state agency that I'm working with in order to try to find employment, but it's a slow process. And most of the jobs in my area aren't in my field, and most jobs in my field that are "nearby" are 2 hours away. I probably have enough people trying to help me with things right now, but I'll definitely keep it in mind haha. Thanks.

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sqwoo's picture
[465]
Aug 13

Well you're obviously doing everything you can and not giving into the pressure. I retract some of my other message because man you must be sick to death of people giving you suggestions when you have literally done everything and more. You must be so bloody frustrated :( $14,000 is a pittance, how the hell are you supposed to fund living on that. I noticed that you're in the Lyme Disease group, is that what you have? It is so difficult when people are ignorant about illnesses. Just because they haven't heard of it, doesn't mean it isn't a seriously debilitating disease. My only other suggestion would be a full scale revolution? I'll bring the placards :) xx

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[135]
Aug 16

I've been commenting. It just won't go through.

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