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I feel as if my life is slipping away. Each day bleeds into

EstrangedAndIsolated's picture
[3000]

I feel as if my life is slipping away. Each day bleeds into the next and the next and the next. Nothing changes and it's an existence of loneliness, sadness, pain, and depression. Most days I am purely in survival mode, doing what I need to do but little else. On good days I make an effort to try to fix what I can but I have seen little success (other than my weight loss, that is the one thing that has gone well). On the loneliness front, I have been trying doing what I can to meet people and make friends but my social anxiety makes that difficult. And when I think that perhaps I might finally be making progress with someone I realize that they are not actually interested and either being polite or using me for something they need help with. It just kills my confidence in being able to connect with someone when I realize that I am the one who is keeping the conversation going or that I am asking them all about themselves but they don't ask me not one thing about me. I want to make a connection with people so badly. I want friends and more but I just can't seem to do it right. It's making me more insecure and is feeding my anxiety. I just don't know what to do. My life has no point or purpose. At least if I enjoyed something, it would be ok but I don't enjoy much of anything anymore. It's like eating a meal without the ability to taste it. Part of me wants to just fade away the way my social life faded away from me. I am hallowed out, just a husk of the person I once was. I can honestly say without question that my social life ended about 15 years ago. Why does my life have to be this way? Anyways as always Peace and -=Hugs=- to all

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[1735]
Dec 13

Yeah when you do fail it does hit you and after awhile all those do stack up.

I've been trying to look at the positives of my failures instead these days like how did I improve myself even if by a little. So instead of the negative feelings stacking up it is the positives stacking up.

I've attempted a few relationships and they all failed too, it is rough and I even get social anxiety around my own family these days.

The one thing I realize from those failed attempts in starting a relationship was that I wasn't actually interested in them though. I was just forcing myself so that I would have a partner and maybe it would help just a little with the loneliness I feel.

If you need friends there is plenty of us who kind of understand how you feel on here.

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EstrangedAndIsolated's picture
[3000]
Dec 14

@sleeping Yea on my good days I try as best I can, hoping to get what successes I can in the hopes that they can stack up to something meaningful. But sometimes it's so frustrating to try so hard and just continue to fail. But I will keep trying when I have the strength. Thanks

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@EstrangedAndIsolated, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I’m sorry for what you are going through. These forums are great for sharing burdens, and venting. Even in the darkest moments in our lives there’s always hope. Let me tell you that you do have a purpose in life. Maybe it can sound like a cliché however things happen for a reason. And I know from my experiences that sometimes we do not know how to handle suffering. Suffering is neither good nor bad. And if we embrace it, we can allow our transformation into a better person. In spite of this situation let me tell you that you are important and valuable person and you are a person of worth of dignity. I’m glad to hear that you are doing well losing weight. Taking care our health and appearance is important in life. Have you considered seeking counseling or therapy? Counseling or therapy works through things like this. You are valuable and worthy of fighting for. Therapy will help you to discover what are the roots of your situation, what cause you to behave in this way. It will help you also to improve your self-esteem and confidence. For one hand, let me tell you my friend that love starts within yourself. I cannot expect being love by others if I do not love myself first. All of us have strengths that make us feel good with ourselves and weaknesses that we have to put in work of them. Please hang in there! On the other hand, have you thought of seeking social outlets such as volunteer organizations such as Habitat for Humanity or other church groups, recreational groups like bowling, sewing and knitting etc? I encourage you to be thankful for what you have in life and maybe it will help to make a list of all the good things you have and start saying “I am thankful for (for ex: life, family, friendships, etc.)”. Please, do not give up! Maybe you can take out the good of this situation that you have to deal with. This list–ly is extremely important for you are going through: https://list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-up-from-the-stubborn-darkness. Hope this helps, sending you hugs. I will keep you in my prayers my friend.

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