****Trigger Warning****If you are a Pigeon you get free food

spark_girl's picture
[16530]

****Trigger Warning****If you are a Pigeon you get free food but as a human you get no love or care. Im a disaster..even get jealous with birds...having a lot of mixed and confusing feelings right now...The one I feel the most is loneliness. Today it was sunny and I walked all the way from work to the station...I usually use the free vehicles that are there if I am carrying heavy stuff. But today I walked..I watched the pigeons that were eating the seeds people had left for them and thats what started this post. The weather was nice and the walking ...it felt nice but I wasnt happy ..I wanted to walk that path with someone. I want to hold hands and feel loved. Cant stop worrying about how much longer I have to continue like this. I had to cross a bridge. When I was on it...I thought would the height be enough to kill me if I jumped down of it. Then I thought no it doesnt seem so and was looking around for a tall building. Im sorry that Im sharing this horrible thoughts here but to keep my job and show good i have to pretend that I am normal. The real inner self me is depressed and its kinda impossible that someone would want to live or can deal with me..I wish things were different. Im so sad that it makes me heart ache. Even if I dont kill myself probably the deoressin will..So the idea of suicide is always there..like why do I have to bear so much pain and take this painful life..It doesnt have anything for me..Even when I was less depressed and was offering love ...life shows me cruelty...Like it was saying there is no place for your idealistic ideas and the real like is cruel rough and different from what you think.. I feel cant live or survive in this place anymore****Trigger Warning****

show more ⇓
Comment
 14
View 11 More Comments
norseduncan's picture
[75055]
Feb 16

@spark_girl all you can do is whatever you can to make them better days. sometimes that's harder than others. having one of those days today.

Reply
[40]
Feb 28

Hi there, so sorry to hear that you are currently in a unbearable situation. I can understand how sometimes depression can feel like. It's like you are treading water, trying to keep your head above the water but the waves keep coming towards you. It can be even harder trying to explain depression to the people around you as they might find it hard to comprehend or resonate with how you feel. Many a time, sentence like "snap out of it" just don't help. But I wanna assure you that there is hope to recover from depression. I know because for years I have encounter similar situation. Don't give yourself too much pressure to recover fast. Give yourself the permission and space to feel how you are feeling and what you are feeling.

It may be worth considering talking to a counsellor or even a therapist to help you cope. Sometimes talking to a neutral person or someone whom you can trust help you to see things in a different light or perspectives, which then helps you to make more informed decision.

Not sure if you are into reading. This book titled "The mindful way through depression - Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness" by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn offers some guidance and support that may help you to cope. Hope this helps. Keeping you in my prayers.

show more ⇓
Reply
spark_girl's picture
[16530]
Feb 28

@nightingale77 Thats how sometimes I describe it too..I cant afford a therapist for now..I have read books ..recently finished 2 of them.. I will look into this one too.thanks

Reply

Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account