****Trigger Warning****If you are a Pigeon you get free food

spark_girl's picture
[14460]

****Trigger Warning****If you are a Pigeon you get free food but as a human you get no love or care. Im a disaster..even get jealous with birds...having a lot of mixed and confusing feelings right now...The one I feel the most is loneliness. Today it was sunny and I walked all the way from work to the station...I usually use the free vehicles that are there if I am carrying heavy stuff. But today I walked..I watched the pigeons that were eating the seeds people had left for them and thats what started this post. The weather was nice and the walking ...it felt nice but I wasnt happy ..I wanted to walk that path with someone. I want to hold hands and feel loved. Cant stop worrying about how much longer I have to continue like this. I had to cross a bridge. When I was on it...I thought would the height be enough to kill me if I jumped down of it. Then I thought no it doesnt seem so and was looking around for a tall building. Im sorry that Im sharing this horrible thoughts here but to keep my job and show good i have to pretend that I am normal. The real inner self me is depressed and its kinda impossible that someone would want to live or can deal with me..I wish things were different. Im so sad that it makes me heart ache. Even if I dont kill myself probably the deoressin will..So the idea of suicide is always there..like why do I have to bear so much pain and take this painful life..It doesnt have anything for me..Even when I was less depressed and was offering love ...life shows me cruelty...Like it was saying there is no place for your idealistic ideas and the real like is cruel rough and different from what you think.. I feel cant live or survive in this place anymore****Trigger Warning****

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norseduncan's picture
[70130]
Feb 16

@spark_girl you deserve every one of them. I want to see a day when you tell us all how well things have worked out for you and how happy you are :-)

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spark_girl's picture
[14460]
Feb 16

@norseduncan I want to see that day so badly too. Wish it happen soon Im tired of waiting for the bad days to be passed.

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norseduncan's picture
[70130]
Feb 16

@spark_girl all you can do is whatever you can to make them better days. sometimes that's harder than others. having one of those days today.

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