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HOW am I tough question im going on 11 years pain meds free

[470]

HOW am I tough question im going on 11 years pain meds free through there was about a 5 month stint 11 years ago that i was addicted to them, there a was a about 2 months I needed them for a surgery i had. it really sad i look at ways i have grown and i am the only person who has. i feel like my mind is my prision the only reprieve is when I listen to music it shuts everything off good and bad. over the weekend my family o a degree either made fun of or pointed out my lack of local friends which is true. what tey dont get is that most people have run when things get hard and right now i just want to finnish school and start work, I have close friends online who have done more for me then real life friends.

im tired worn out and tired of being the good guy tired of believing in god who either gives to those who follow his rules or whatever , I just dont feel like god cares about me anymore

Comment
 3
[3755]
Oct 29

Hey dog, hang in there. If you're still here then God's not done with you.
For my part, I can often get discouraged by reading my bible. I get guilty about all the ways I fail to serve. Lately, I've found a ton of verses about how He loves, forgives, wants the best for us, etc. That love stuff is just as true as the rest, and what's more, His love matters more than anything I bring to the table.
Seems like you're in grind mode. Try and keep grinding,the rest will fall in to place. Prayers bro.

Reply
[470]
Oct 29

@sirgrits
ive been grinding nonstop for the last 3 years, ive made sacrifices for family, im tired of fighting and yet i cant because i just became an uncle. over the years ive let darkness in, why would anyone be around me, things from my past on my worst day i wana do again, my family jewish, and there are certain jewish laws ive been breaking on purpose to keep god away from me, cause i dont feel like i deserve or want god, god has done his fair share of being an absentee god , lost a few friends along the way. the isssues that bother me arent always about me it about the suitation my mom stuck in, namely me and my mom care for my grandma and besides my 2 brothers no other family helps. on top my grandma memory is going and things are getting worse. the worst part is there are nights i want my grandma to go peacefully and yet i want her to live so she can have more memories. im too f...... up

Reply
[845]
Nov 8

Hi I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with inside, sorry to come in late here, are you doing any better this week?

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