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We have the power.

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[4655]
Jan 11

@Dirb Having a Why is a way to motivate yourself to want to be better. Better at you job, better at life, and light that motivates to you to do better. It has to be bigger than you, and something that you desire enough to get you out of the black hole, and into the world.

Your why is not why you are depressed. Your why is why do you not want to be depressed anymore Why do you want a better life why do you want more money, why do you want a better job ect.

I have no desire to be rich, only to have a drama free life. I am leaving husband #3 because he drags me down. I like to travel, but am OK with being a home body. I really only want a drama free life that I can love and be loved.

But when I do get depressed, and when I am not feeling good or am in the dark place, nothing really keeps me from ending it except I don't want my daughter to find me. I often think she would be better without me, but finding me is too much to put on her.

You sound a lot like me. I was a patient of Dr. Dyer a long time back, before he became the guru he was prior to his death. He tried all of his Cognitive behavioral therapy on me and all I could do was ask him if he really believed that he could talk himself out of a thought he knew was true by not wanting to think it.

Maybe I was the inspiration for all of his books later:-P I am the type that knows too much to walk around with a happy face and be ignorant of issues around me in the world. I know too much about the damage being done to people, and how many of us are just rats in a cage, and gladly drink the Cool-Aid and never question anything.

I try to live my life to help other learn what is going on too. But it is lonely, and hard to go against what everyone else thinks all the time.

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[2715]
Jan 11

@phdchick ****TRIGGER WARNING****Thank you for your very honest post. I've seen Dr. Dyer live before he passed last year. His messages and practices help the cause but there is no one stop shop to relieve and banish depression for good. I do want to extend this message to you and I hope u hear me. Your daughter will NOT be better off without u. She needs you for her entire life. I am telling u this bc my mother which I barely knew check out from life (killed herself) when I was six. I had the pleasure of watching. It runined my childhood, left deep emotional scars and negative behavior of instability. I was displaced as a child moving from one strangers home to another than finally in the system. I have been abused and I abused myself. Having said that I have still found my way to be a successful productive adult. Make no mistake your baby will need you always bc your her wonderful mother that is trying to make sense of it all. Your post hit so close to home. Thank you for sharing. Best to u and your daughter.

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[4655]
Jan 11

@Solitary****TRIGGER WARNING**** I cannot even imagine how hard your life must have been shifting from home to home, and to see you mother die. Like I said, that has been the one reason I never did anything when I wanted to.

I have had lots of clients who found their parents or saw their parents kill them self, and it is totally heartbreaking, and they will never get it completely out of their head.

Right now I am not depressed, so it is easy to see that it f's up your kid for your to be gone, but when I do get depressed I really consider it often. And I have always wanted to make sure she was not there or had to find me. I know she would still be messed up, but better than having to have that in addition. Also I know my daughter would have people fighting to care for her. She has my family, her step dad, her dad's family that would all want her. I also think I would never consider it if I thought their was a doubt of where she would end up.

I have thought since before my daughter was born that putting her up for adoption or if she lived with other people away from me it would be best. I have my self somewhat together in life, and I have had drama that she got sucked into. But overall she has a good life. But I always thought she would have been happier with adoptive parents who wanted her and could provide better for her.

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