this is my first time posting, sorry if i dont do it right.

_D_12341234's picture
(195)

this is my first time posting, sorry if i dont do it right. it was 5am two hours ago and i just felt so alone out of nowhere. I've only been drinking lightly these past 3 days but that's also 3 days of not taking my meds so it'd be stupid of me to ask "why do i feel so f'ing bad right now?"
i just felt completely alone. i sat in the dark feeling the cold air coming in through my window and it made me feel depressingly alive. i hate and love those moments. staring into the sun midday and sitting alone in your house quietly in the greyness as the sun comes up both make me feel way too alive. way too alive. i can almost pinpoint everything that makes me sad and i can almost see how ridiculous it all is.
i have a good life. im privileged in a couple of ways. why do i feel so bad? what did i do. that's all I want to know sometimes, is why.
jeez, this is getting so emo. i tried one of those suicide chats and it just made me feel stupid. i quit my job recently and cut off my hair. i. feel. like. ****.
i have so much to say and it feels like im standing at the edge of a canyon. i wish i actually were.
what's real and what's "not" has been bothering me lately. sometimes i can't tell the difference between flashes of my dreams and reality. i dont know if i feel stable. is that worse than actually knowing you're not? i feel like I'm not making any sense and no one is around to really understand. why do i feel such a deep need to be truly understood by someone? i think it's because i don't feel valid in my existence. i just want

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CKBlossom's picture
(495665)
Mar 5

How can we help hun? I am so sorry you are hurting so greatly right now.

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_D_12341234's picture
(195)
Mar 5

@Bellabb i just took my dose of prozac, better late than never. hopefully within the next few days i'll even out more. thank you for the hugs xo

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_D_12341234's picture
(195)
Mar 5

@CKBlossom I think sometimes i just want someone to hear me out or vent, this seems like a place where people might understand what I'm going through. thank you so much for your comment, it really means the world to me. xo

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