Never posted, so here goes... I feel so incredibly lost and

Never posted, so here goes... I feel so incredibly lost and like I can’t do a **** thing right anymore. I work a full-time job, have two children and I’m married. I work and then pick the kids up from school and then I rush home to write my work reports, clean the house, help kids with homework and cook dinner. I do everything, even literally cleaning up after my husband because he can’t even throw trash in the can, or else I risk walking on eggshells. I’m so busy making sure everything is ok and everyone is happy, that by the time I take a deep breath, I realize I’m miserable. I moved three years ago, out of state and I cannot make friends to save my soul. I so desperately want to talk to my husband about my feelings, but it pisses him off if I’m not happy and he often makes me out to be a ‘crybaby’, if I’m upset over something. I have learned to keep everything inside and now I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m convinced my husband is bipolar because he will be happy and fine one day and the next, he’s treating me like utter **** and extremely angry. I want to talk to my parents about my life, but they have finally accepted the “change and effort” my husband has been making and they have a good relationship with him now and I don’t want what I have to say to change that... I’m living a complete lie and I hate it. Everyone makes comments about how proud they are of me and my husband and I just want to laugh in their faces; if they only knew it was all a show. I’m to the point where I can’t eat or sleep and I just want to give up. I just want someone to recognize all that I do and appreciate me for it. It’s hurts so **** bad to feel like you’re constantly failing everyone and I just can’t handle it anymore.

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CKBlossom's picture
Mar 8

@FreeWill2Go You are so right, we can't pigeonhole anyone, nor should we want to. Everyone is different and our outcomes and how we deal with our pain is different. It sounds like you take your family very seriously and your love for them is very apparent. Hugs!

Mar 8

@FreeWill2Go thank you for explaining that!

Mar 8

@Sawthorne Is he taking meds to manage the Bipolar? If not that's another disservice he doing to & ur children. Bipolar is a chronic disease just like diabetes. It has to be managed. When ever you talk to him use the phrase "I feel...". If he disregards how you feel tell him it doesn't matter what he thinks, your feelings are yours!

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