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Gosh I haven’t been on here for a while and I dnt know whe

blessedUnrest's picture
[660]

Gosh I haven’t been on here for a while and I dnt know where to start, all I can say is that since the last time I been on here things haven’t gotten better, as a matter of fact things have tooken a turn for the worst. Let me try to start at the beginning, so I dated this guy on and off for about 3 years which seemed kind of like 4 since I know him a while before we got serious, anyway he cheated. He tried to say it wasn’t cheating because he broke up with me but that was our thing! Fighting and getting back together, we weren’t broken up, we had a fight. And he cheated. Anyway I took him back because I loved him or I naively loved him, it wasn’t easy as those of u know, we had our ups and downs after the infidelity however we were making it work I thought things were going good I was really starting to trust him sure we still had little fights but we worked thru them and I thought things were going good I stopped coming on this site because I started to feel really happy again that I felt I didn’t need to be here anymore boy was I wrong, anyway In that time things WERE going great, he had got a new great job, I got my own place and our 3 year anniversary came and he took me to an amazing restaurant and hand made me a magnificent card that said all the right things in it. He got me a beautiful promise ring that I thought I’d be replacing with an engagement ring by another year. ..I wore that ring for a week before all the promises became nightmares and lies. Like a week after our big wonderful anniversary he was arrested and charged with rape. I literally died. No really i overdosed on pain meds I couldn’t take it. It was too much for me to handle. I couldn’t deal. I don’t know what happend, he of course denies it and tells me nothing else. My whole life’s been torn up and shattered he says he’s innocent but he doesn’t prove to me that he is and am I really that naive twice?! To believe that someone is just going to falsely accuse him for no reason?? Or am I really just naive to believe that it was just a simple case of “mistaken identity “ ?? As he so liked to put it. The answer is I dnt know. I mean I was naive enough to take him back after he cheated on me. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for loving him. Because I was willing to stand by him, yup I was going to be naive once again because of love, but he pushed me away, he told me he didn’t love me and didn’t want me as if all that he had done didn’t kill me already literally. He told me to my face he didn’t love me or didn’t want to be with me. That only made me believe he was guilty and did it. He had to have because he couldn’t be one week so In love with me saying how he wanted to get married have kids and grow old together to the next week saying he didn’t love or want me anymore could he? Unless he’s just a monster. I’m starting to believe I fell in love with nothing BUT that. And it’s the worst feeling, like what does that say about me?? How stupid am I ?? How worthless am I that I believed this monsters lies and took him back and continued to believe more and was willing to take more until he didn’t let me. I’m so torn, torn with myself because I think I wasn’t good enough and torn that I probly would still take him back if he called me -_- I almost just wana give up again.. gosh will things ever get better?? .. it’s been 3 months since all this blew up and he left me. Can you believe HE left me??! As if I done something wrong. I should of left him. ME. I just want whatever hold he has on me to go away so I can move on with my life and stop crying every night. I just wana stop hurting. -_-

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blessedUnrest's picture
[660]
Dec 6, 2017

@initwithyou61 thank you for response im happy ur daughter found happiness it gives me hope that i too can over come being so broken and still be able to find happiness with someone someday, i do so much want to Have a family life and be married and happy even tho im so broken and damaged i hope i can still have it all someday. I think i would be a good wife if only i can find a good husband. Trust is something i dnt think i can do anymore i hope one day i will be able to trust man again because i dont wana be alone forever i deserve to be happy and married someday, i know i do. :(

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UtopiaK's picture
[1890]
Dec 6, 2017

@blessedUnrest Hello,
Reading your story made me think that I was reading some kind of novel or watching a drama movie..
Gosh. This guy literally has some mental illness.. Because one time he apologizes and another - he calls you this or that.. He really need some professional help... He sounds schizophrenic to me (sorry if I am wrong).
Because no normal people would act like that... One time you are both happy, and another time he got in jail for rape...
Either he is a very good liar or he really needs some serious help..
But don't worry about yourself, I am pretty sure that God has prepared for you someone who will be amazing and will love you and care for you!
And don't think about him, show him what he lost. I am sure you are a wonderful person who doesn't need such kind of guy near you...
He lost a chance to have a beautiful life with you. But it doesn't mean that you've lost yours...

God bless you!

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blessedUnrest's picture
[660]
Dec 7, 2017

@UtopiaK my life seriously could be a novel or one of those lifetime movies you watch that seem unreal but their not they are based on true storys and peoples lives that we never wish to be in or to be true in this case mine. And i can tell u i wish this wasnt my life and wasnt my story id give anything to get out of this one but it is what it is and im here. But anyways yes! This guy is completely mentally ill i agree he needs to be psychoanalized hes not normal. The saddest thing is he doesnt even see or think he done anything wrong especially to me. And hes not sorry hes sorry the truth came out and it hurt me he thinks he was doing me a favor by hiding his infedelity from me that its not his fault it came out and i got hurt by it, thats his apology. To him its basicly not his problem that im hurt its mine. Hes the worst kind of human being i ever met in my life. Selfish narcissistic, lack of empathy, lack of human respect just pure evil. He had his nerve to yell at me over the phone while hes sitting in jail calling me from his bunker, a normal caring person would have been sympathetic and remorseful or just really sorry but he wasnt. Its because he doesnt care about me or what this all has done to me he didnt ask me how i was doing if i was okay it was all about him him him he thinks just cuz hes the one in jail hes the only one going thru hell and i should feel bad for him and kiss his a** thats the way he thinks. When that thinking just isnt right. I do feel bad for him and feel sorry for him thats why i didnt react bad towards him like he did towards me but thats beacause im a NORMAL person and i have empathy he didnt deserve for me to even pick up his calls or talk to him as nicely as i did but i did because im not him i refuse to be evil as him one day mabe not tomorrow but one day he WILL realize the errors of his ways towards me and its going to be waay late and i feel sorry for him because i would of done anything for him if the world was ending and only one of us could live to stop it from ending i would of gave my life so he could have his thats how much i loved him thats how much i dedicated myself towards him and hes never gna get that again and i feel sorry for him i really do. He can accuse me all he wants of the cheating to make himself feel better but i stood by him ALWAYS. And i would of stood by him forever but he didnt chose that life. So ur right, he lost a really beautiful life because i would of gave him the world. God i loved him, i only wish i could find someone someday to love me as much as i loved him to just love me with that kind of love, thats all i ever really wanted. Was to love and be loved. I dnt think he cares now that he lost me because he thinks i was never good enough for whatever reason and because i truely believe he never loved me or was in love with me and Im tired of being the only one who loves, i love just too much, i need someone to love me for a change i still have my life but what kind of life can i have now i have lost faith in man. In trust, in humanity. Thank you for ur blessing and for listening

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