Gosh I haven’t been on here for a while and I dnt know whe

blessedUnrest's picture
[420]

Gosh I haven’t been on here for a while and I dnt know where to start, all I can say is that since the last time I been on here things haven’t gotten better, as a matter of fact things have tooken a turn for the worst. Let me try to start at the beginning, so I dated this guy on and off for about 3 years which seemed kind of like 4 since I know him a while before we got serious, anyway he cheated. He tried to say it wasn’t cheating because he broke up with me but that was our thing! Fighting and getting back together, we weren’t broken up, we had a fight. And he cheated. Anyway I took him back because I loved him or I naively loved him, it wasn’t easy as those of u know, we had our ups and downs after the infidelity however we were making it work I thought things were going good I was really starting to trust him sure we still had little fights but we worked thru them and I thought things were going good I stopped coming on this site because I started to feel really happy again that I felt I didn’t need to be here anymore boy was I wrong, anyway In that time things WERE going great, he had got a new great job, I got my own place and our 3 year anniversary came and he took me to an amazing restaurant and hand made me a magnificent card that said all the right things in it. He got me a beautiful promise ring that I thought I’d be replacing with an engagement ring by another year. ..I wore that ring for a week before all the promises became nightmares and lies. Like a week after our big wonderful anniversary he was arrested and charged with rape. I literally died. No really i overdosed on pain meds I couldn’t take it. It was too much for me to handle. I couldn’t deal. I don’t know what happend, he of course denies it and tells me nothing else. My whole life’s been torn up and shattered he says he’s innocent but he doesn’t prove to me that he is and am I really that naive twice?! To believe that someone is just going to falsely accuse him for no reason?? Or am I really just naive to believe that it was just a simple case of “mistaken identity “ ?? As he so liked to put it. The answer is I dnt know. I mean I was naive enough to take him back after he cheated on me. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for loving him. Because I was willing to stand by him, yup I was going to be naive once again because of love, but he pushed me away, he told me he didn’t love me and didn’t want me as if all that he had done didn’t kill me already literally. He told me to my face he didn’t love me or didn’t want to be with me. That only made me believe he was guilty and did it. He had to have because he couldn’t be one week so In love with me saying how he wanted to get married have kids and grow old together to the next week saying he didn’t love or want me anymore could he? Unless he’s just a monster. I’m starting to believe I fell in love with nothing BUT that. And it’s the worst feeling, like what does that say about me?? How stupid am I ?? How worthless am I that I believed this monsters lies and took him back and continued to believe more and was willing to take more until he didn’t let me. I’m so torn, torn with myself because I think I wasn’t good enough and torn that I probly would still take him back if he called me -_- I almost just wana give up again.. gosh will things ever get better?? .. it’s been 3 months since all this blew up and he left me. Can you believe HE left me??! As if I done something wrong. I should of left him. ME. I just want whatever hold he has on me to go away so I can move on with my life and stop crying every night. I just wana stop hurting. -_-

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blessedUnrest's picture
[420]
Nov 18

@Littlesis7 thank you so much for ur kind words I definitely have a lot of healing to do and I hope one day I can. I hope I can one day look back and think why did I ever care so much and not care anymore. I just want 2017 to be over already to be honest I wana start a fresh new year and leave my damaged self behind. And Hopefully I can let someone in and love me like I deserve to be loved time will only tell.

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blessedUnrest's picture
[420]
Nov 18

@Siren007 it really sucks to be so devoted and u find out their not. I’m really sorry that u waisted ten years I’ve waisted 4 and it feels like an eternity to me, I can only imagine how u feel. I dnt understand why men can be so selfish

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Kas1966's picture
[9440]
Nov 18

@blessedUnrest yeah we all go through feel stupid phase till we realize their the stupid ones

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